I will miss you all!

I’m struggling for words, hence the above title. I just cannot express appropriately what I feel, still. Maybe it is still too raw, too fresh. Yesterday saw the conclusion of a project that I have been a part of for a long time, first as a translator of some official documents to accompany fundraising efforts and later, intrigued by the concept, having applied and having been accepted, as a participant. “To write for dance and to dance written text” seemed such an intriguing project for a novelist such as myself, especially in the context of the LGBTQ context it was founded on. I simply had to be a part of it and I guess the “powers to be” saw the passion in my application.

Three Swedish authors, three international authors, and the dance company Spinn

On September 19th, we kicked the project off over a cup of coffee. Little did I know how it would affect me. The final performance yesterday is still swirling around in my head, deeply affecting me emotionally. Hopefully, we’ll be able to meet up again this fall, post corona, for hugs and much needed personal thanks to everyone involved. It goes without saying that I am greatly indebted to the organizations that have funded this project, enabling me to spend time expanding my artistic horizon, returning to poetry after all these years.

In the following, rather than expressing how I feel, I would like the art to speak for itself. First, you have a video of the final performance yesterday, which included two works of me, a poem I wrote about four months ago, I feel love, everywhere, which I wrote off a clue from my writing buddy Claire Carter, based on two of her characters. Secondly, there’s the live improvisation that Claire, Rannhvi, Izabell, and I did, a conversation of poetry and dance toward the end. Following that, I have included the video that Izabell and I created inspired by Matt–More Than Words, and finally the actual poetry I wrote as a part of the process. Enjoy! 🙂 Maybe in small doses. It’s quite intense…

Live Performance from the Museum of World Culture, Gothenburg, May 28, 2020

Matt–More Than Words, a dance/poetry version

Eyes open, wandering
Head, bobbing
Mouth open, drooling
Body, broken
Movement, involuntary
Pain, constant pain
Muscle spasms, cramps
No way to speak
Moaning, groaning, wailing
Behind those eyes,
Is there a mind?
Thoughts, ideas, dreams?

[Izabell’s Dance]

My mind is full of thoughts, ideas, dreams
I dream of walking
Walking toward you, touching you
There is so much I want to say
So much I want to tell you
But I can’t
I am a prisoner inside my body
But I see you
And I love you
I am human
I am Matt
I am more than words

Other poetry I have written for the project

Cowering in the Dark

Cowering in the dark, alone
A chameleon, hiding in plain sight

At first, you can’t see it, the light
It cuts through cracks in the dark

Extending toward you, caressing you
Dare you reach out? Dare you touch it?

In time you step out from that dark
and as you spread your delicate wings
Your soul takes flight, at last.

I feel love, everywhere

So good, so good, so good

I feel the beat

I feel the heat

Pulsating, through me 

Calling your name

I can’t see you

Bodies, all around me

Moving, moving, moving

dancing, grinding, sweating

Calling your name

I can see you

Dancing, dancing, dancing

Your face, your eyes, your smile

Calling your name

Turntables at my fingertips

Beats, beats, beats

Pulling you across the dance floor

Closer, closer, closer

You and me, together

I feel love, love, love

Glitter of the disco ball

Everywhere

Colors of the rainbow

Together, forever

Recorded for Improv Session, May 27, 2020 (This text is likely going to be re-written and edited for further use)

Voice recording

All alone
Flickering faces on a screen
Pandemic? Systemic?
Socially distanced togetherness
Isolation celebrated
Quarantined in a closet with windows
How quaint
I may talk to you, even see you,
But I can never reach you
Like a childhood nightmare long ago.

I watch your every move from afar
A distant voyeur
I see your hair
Those lovely eyes
And how you look at me
Through that screen in front of you

Can you see me?
Do you even care?
I watch you, I see you
As you swirl, twist, turn
But do you see me?

Distance, Closeness, Intimacy
How can we bridge the gap?
Will they ever let me out of the closet?
And when they do, will I dare?

Live Improv Session, May 28, 2020 (This text is likely going to be re-written and edited for further use)

Flickering faces on a screen
Pandemic. Systemic?
Socially distanced communion
Separated by PPE, glass or space
Quarantine be hallowed
Isolated in a closet with windows
I may talk to you, even see you,
But I can never reach you
Like that childhood nightmare.

I see the glass, beyond it the sky, the sun
Oh, that look you give me,
I miss your touch
Your silky lips against mine
Your caresses, body against body
Dance for me baby, dance

I feel like I’m in an aquarium
Surrounded by glass, freedom beyond
Yet here I am, drowning in water
I want to shatter the glass, the fish tank
I dream of the beach, waves coming ashore
Lapping against the warm sand.
Can you see it?

I see your swirls, your elegant moves
Our electronic Togetherness
A dreamscape, a Tsunami of emotions
Let us break out of the confinement
Find a Secret pathway
I long to be with you again
Don’t deny me this one thing. HOPE

A great big thank you!

Finally, a great big thank you to The Region of West Sweden, The Nordic Culture Fund, and the City of Gothenburg for funding the project. How lucky am I to be able to get paid to do something that gives me so much joy? A big thank you to the Writers’ Center West Sweden (Hedvig & Kristín) for organizing it and allowing me to be a part of it, to Danskompaniet Spinn (Veera) for working with us on this, and helping us expand our horizons, to the dancers, particularly Rannvhi and Izabell, for working with Claire and me, to the other writers (Sara, Hilding & Elias) for all the discussions, the open dialogue, and your creativity, and last, not least, to Claire Carter, for putting up with me, and literally blowing up any preconceptions I had about poetry, dancing and expanding my mind and my creative courage like the big bang. Your thoughts on the influence of text and dance, the interdependence between the two, has been mindblowing and I can’t express just how much it has influenced me. The project that Izabell and I did about Matt had not been possible without that, and I doubt our improv session yesterday either. Thank you, all, from the bottom of my heart.

Hans M Hirschi

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