Yesterday, I got a message from my editor. It was simple:
Suddenly, it dawned on me that Debbie wasn’t just commenting on my lifestyle but also letting me know that she’d begun to edit the third and final book in the trilogy about Jason Mendez. I swallowed hard before being able to chat a bit about my eating habits pre and post-Reckoning. It’s funny how every time I end up in this situation, I end up being a nervous wreck.
My editor is the first person to read my stuff after I send it off to my publisher. And her judgment means everything to me. Not just that she could pull the plug on publishing it (“This is the biggest piece of shit I’ve read in a long time…”), but Debbie is a successful and acclaimed, award-winning author in her own right. For her to like my work means a lot. The coming weeks will be painful. The waiting game isn’t my forte. I want to talk to her about it, want to discuss why this was done that way or why the ending is the way it is and not done differently.
Writing a series is different than writing a stand-alone
The final installation of the Golden One will be out 9/19.
Reckoning is my twentieth full-length book. But it’s also book three in the series, and unlike some series which are held together loosely by a common theme (e.g. playing out in the same town), the Golden One is actually one story, spanning across more than two hundred and ten thousand words. When you write a book and you know that there will be a continuation of it, the ending of the first book will always be more “open” than if it had been a stand-alone. When Blooming (book 1) came out, I hadn’t even begun writing book three. I had no idea where the story would take Jason at the end of book 2, let alone how it might end.
Blooming starts off nice and easy with a challenge that creates the bond between Jason and his friends, a local environmental crisis they need to solve. Yet already in book one, we realize that this cannot possibly be the biggest thing that’s in store for our heroes. For the longest time, I was wondering who Jason’s nemesis would be. Given previous challenges that Golden Ones had faced, a dictator or powerful president seemed close at hand, yet I did want to stay clear of the pitfalls of politics. I had to find an enemy as powerful as Alexander the Great or the emperor of China of old but within a contemporary setting.
About half-way through book two, things began to clarify, but I still had no idea how the series would end. That didn’t become clear until I finally got to it. At the beginning of book three, I had two different endings in mind, and they both had merit. As my writing progressed and I got closer and closer to the end, one of the endings faded into the background and only one remained. It’s epic, logical and just what the book needs in terms of what the message is. I’m sure it will have readers glued to their chairs reading and thinking about it for a long time. In hindsight, the series ends the only way it could end, staying true to the premises and canon established in Blooming. I’m very pleased with it, if I may say so.
Every book should be better than the last
I think you can ask just about any author with a few books under their belt and they’ll confirm that they try hard to make sure that their next book is just a little bit better than the previous one. Whether it is a grammar lesson we’ve learned, or whether we’ve become better at doing research, or if it’s just an extra round of self-editing before we send it off to our publishers. We may also strive to improve our literary aspirations, challenge ourselves to write in a new genre, etc.
It’s a never-ending challenge, and for every grammatical improvement I make, I seem to find new ways to screw things up. Debbie always says something along the lines of “this is this book’s repeat error.” I blush, ashamed of having found yet another thing to get wrong. Hopefully, I don’t make old mistakes again and again. Rookie mistakes like changing voices mid-paragraph or simple errors like mixing up virtually with literally. I’ve literally fallen for that! Clichés, silly metaphors, etc. are other ways to screw up a manuscript to the editor’s red pen’s delight. Then there are other things which we tend to forget: inclusivity, diversity or why not challenging our own preconceptions? We may use characteristics that are offensive or racist and sometimes, this is particularly true for non-native speakers like me, we use expressions which may be innocent in one of the languages we speak but not in the one we use to write in. A great example is the Swedish ex-chairman of BP who used the expression of “small people” during a press conference in the White House. Not offensive in Swedish but very much so in the US, especially in the context he used it, to describe “normal, average working-class people.” So yeah, words do matter.
Time table for Reckoning
Every manuscript goes through a bunch of stages with the publisher. There are rounds of editing, a ping-pong game between editor and author, followed by proofreading by a number of people, including the editor and author, but also external sets of eyes who are better equipped at seeing the trees in the forest. The publisher also formats the books for printing and distribution across e-platforms and typesets it accordingly. Each publisher uses their own fonts, have their own layouts, etc. Then there’s the cover design. We already have the cover for the ebook, but the paperback cover has to wait until we know exactly how thick the spine is going to be and what the back matter will look like. It’s down to the mm.
Then there’s the narration of the audiobook. Not only does it take time, but it has to hold off until the manuscript is “stable” enough that we’re down to pure proofing changes. Vance Bastian, my narrator for the Golden One may not be hindered by a typo, but ACX may not appreciate it if he narrates “desert” only for us to later change it to “The Gobi” or whatever. Also, the final quality review of an audiobook is a bit of a black box, hit and miss, and takes up to fourteen working days. Depending on how weekends fall, or public holidays, you might be in for quite a wait. And they don’t allow for set publication days, at least not for us small niche players. So we try to do the math backward from the publication date of the actual book to try and make sure the audio version is available on a specific date. Not easy. But by September 19, 2019, the paperback and the ebook of Reckoning will be available for global distribution. The audiobook should be ready within a few days thereof.
Jason’s journey will be complete. And I can’t wait for you to read and enjoy it.
Words can be so hurtful, as they reveal what people believe, deep down
“He starts to look like a real boy…”
It was meant as a compliment. A new haircut, short in the back. I love my son’s hair, regardless whether it’s shorter or longer. I think he looks amazing in long hair. However, he’s only six years old and keeping long hair looking good requires more work than your average six-year-old is willing to put in. Plus his hair is dark, thick and hot in the summer. He eagerly accepted my suggestion to cut it shorter as we’re about to head out on a vacation to a warmer climate. The response above from a family member floored me. It was so hurtful. Is short hair really the trademark of a “real” boy, masculinity? And what did this family member think of Sascha before? That he was girly? Did they not respect my son’s choice? A gazillion questions running through my mind, none very pleasant.
Hair is fashion, at best
Manly? I’m sure he thought so…
The Vikings had long hair, men and women, so did many other peoples, including native Americans. Samurai kept their hair long, too, so did many other Asian cultures. Are Vikings unmanly? Samurai? #facepalm Even in Europe, long hair was a thing for men for the longest of times. Just look at the sixteenth to the eighteenth century. Picture Louis XIV of France with his wigs. Was he unmanly? No, of course not. There is nothing that says that a hairstyle would be indicative of one’s masculinity or how we fit into a gender.
Hair was even once considered so manly that Samson believed his masculine strength resided there. What a twat!
At fifty-two, I’ve had long hair, short hair, I’ve even colored my hair, but I’m still exactly the same person I’ve always been. Yet somehow, some people still believe that short hair is for boys and long hair is for girls. And they rejoice when a boy cuts his hair or a girl lets it grow out. No longer do they have to have their disgusting preconceptions challenged every time they see that person.
Sex, gender is a social construct
I strongly believe that sex and gender are social constructs. And I believe that most educated people will believe me with regards to gender. Sex? Not so much. And here’s the thing: if you’re born with a vagina, chances are you’re a woman. If you’re born with a penis, chances are you’re a man. However, nature is tricky and chromosomal anomalies, intersex, etc. exemplify this. Hormonal influences during the pregnancy will also affect the brain and how we come to identify, regardless of our genitals. That’s as far as nature goes. The rest is society. How we’re raised, the experiences we make, how we view our bodies, etc. However, the traits we attribute to “humans with vaginas” and “humans with penises” are entirely social constructs. And it is entirely society which attaches a value to a specific trait. The fact that vaginas are considered inferior to penises, for whatever reason. That’s beyond my comprehension, but it’s a fact nonetheless.
Therefore, every trait commonly associated with “vaginas” is considered of less value: long hair, be in touch with emotions, empathy, caring, you name it. And penis values are considered high value, e.g. short hair. No wonder my relative was so thrilled to see Sascha’s new haircut.
What about trans people, gender fluidity?
As a gay man, I had to accept that many of the traits I cherish are considered “feminine” and that I’m not only considered a traitor to my sex but also of less value than a straight man. Oh well. Lesbians are considered traitors to their sex because they refuse to let themselves be subjugated by men, hence a certain aura of “mystery” (=value) but also an almost unstoppable desire from straight men to subjugate them, break them. This incident in London is a great example of that.
Our trans siblings are those suffering the most. How dare one abdicate the genitals given to us by God? Yet even with trans people, society’s outlook differs. Trans men are considered a tad more valuable than trans women because at least they strive toward masculinity, want to be of more value. But trans women? Those traitors! To abandon the mighty penis! How dare they? The number of trans women murdered is among the highest in the world. They are a threat to straight men and there are a lot of feminists who do not accept them either. The absence of ovaries and the experience of “growing up oppressed” means that there are many women out there who refuse to accept trans women as sisters in their struggle for equality. They don’t realize that they’re doing ruling men’s bidding.
It goes without saying that gender fluid humans are enigmas. People generally don’t really know how to react to them, how to interpret them. Androgyny is sexy, we are mysteriously attracted to it, because they combine the best from both worlds, and that is somehow oddly attractive.
Is androgyny the key to the future?
I’ve always maintained that just like most people are bisexual (it’s a spectrum and very few people are stuck in the extremes) and the way younger generations are more open to being pansexual than strictly gay/straight is a sign that things are changing. The same is true for gender identity. While most of us are born with cis-genitalia our gender markers are very much on a spectrum, wildly combining “male” and “female” traits. And I would hope that someday we get to the point when those traits are valued equally, or at least valued how they help us build a successful society, not just the simplistic and ignorant “vagina < penis” formula. It’s just not helpful.
And who knows, we might even get to the point where gender reassignment surgeries and hormone treatments become less important as we can live and express ourselves the way we want to regardless of the physical traits of our genitalia and bodies. More gender fluidity for the people! This is not to say that some people won’t always feel the need to switch sexes, but the less important ‘sex’ is in a society, the lower the need to change, don’t you think?
We’re in this for the long haul…
My son comes home all the time with new things he’s heard in school, questions on his mind: “are boys better than girls?” only to state the next day that “girls are better than boys”. Statements like “girls can’t do this or that” or “boys can do whatever they want…” are tiring, but society is tirelessly at work to shape our children into the cis-minded drones we’ve been raised as. We take the debate every time, showing him that no, girls are just like boys, and they can both be whatever they set their minds to. I know of course that in reality, it’s more complicated but who am I to ruin a six-year-old’s life dreams? He’ll learn soon enough. He’s even come home a couple of times saying “I want to be a girl.” and I guess that’s fine, too. I have to walk my own talk and let him discover his body, his identity in his own pace. He’s only now discovering the differences between girls and boys. I wish they never would, that all of us could see each other as just “friends”. To get there requires us, parents, to pull the heavy duty, against all those who think that a boy in a short haircut is “real”…
No, it’s not because I write beautiful prose, capturing my audience from the first paragraph. Nor do I write tart poetry that puts readers in touch with their innermost emotions. I wish. Instead, it’s my personal life that resembles that of the stereotypical author: I’ve become a recluse. A hermit. I readily admit that I’m most comfortable in my own company. I wrap my loneliness around myself like a blanket on a cold winter’s day. It’s comforting, it’s mine.
Once upon a time…
Johnny Begood, up to no good
There was a young man who thought himself to be an extrovert, a man who loved crowded cities and to meet new people. All the time. What the young man failed to realize (or admit to himself?) was the fact that those interactions were costly. Afterward, he’d feel exhausted and he would often slump into a what might best be described as a depression, or at least a “low”. It would take days to get out from under the rocks.
But he loved to slip into characters, to play someone else (safe, right?) and be outgoing, entertaining, the proverbial “life of the party”. Here (to the left) is a photo from one such event about fourteen years ago, happy times in Budapest, before the country descended into near-fascism under the rule of Victor Orbán. Here we have our author playing his evil (heterosexual) punk-rock twin.
I still remember it all, vividly, the things I did in character, things which would probably be considered sexual harassment in these post-#MeToo days, and I guess I’d have been slapped across the face more than once had it not been for the fact that my co-workers knew that it was all an act and that underneath the mask of that crazy punk rocker was an innocent gay boy, happily married. I even joined and sang (sic!) with a band that night, even though I had no idea what they were playing and despite the fact that I had never sung before and without a clue what the lyrics were. But we seemed to be quite the hit with the crowd, probably buoyed by the copious amounts of alcohol flowing all evening.
Her Majesty took the prize
Her Majesty’s groupies. My feigned disinterest was actually fatigue and a splitting headache.
Since then, I’ve only been “out” in character one more time, four years ago, and I will be honest and say that the price was far too high. As successful as the performance was (from a strict marketing point of view), the cost was crushing, mentally and emotionally. From the near-constant sexual assault by the many females in the crowd, and the neverending onslaught of people on my persona, I was barely able to keep a straight face and had it not been for my character, I would’ve fled the scene long before the two-hour mark after which I returned to my room utterly exhausted.
It must’ve been then that I “relabeled” myself, into an ambivert, someone who is a bit of both, extrovert and introvert, stuck in the middle, outgoing at times, but in desperate need to recharge the batteries in between.
From extro- to ambi- to introvert
I must have been fooling myself, like the little gay boy who feels safer coming out as bisexual rather than gay right away, failing to see that he’s thus only hurting those who really are bisexual. But that’s another story. I think it is high time that I admit that I’m a full-fledged introvert. But how did that happen? Has it been these past nine years of working alone from home? The lack of people to socialize with on a daily basis?
Alone. This is how I feel best right now.
Or is it because I’ve just spent ten days in the company of guests? Literally 24×7 with no privacy? I don’t know, but when I left the gym yesterday, after spending the first two hours alone in almost two weeks,
I felt this overwhelming sense of relief, of finally being able to breathe again, and then it struck me that I was about to head into the worst day of my year, as a friend reminded me of having to call me tomorrow. Given how much I hate attention, my mood quickly spiraled downward.
Suddenly, I felt like I was choking. I couldn’t breathe and I was panicking. How would I get out of all this? So today I’ve been offline. My phone’s been disconnected, and I’ve refused to check certain social media, particularly messaging apps. I. just. need. to. be. alone. On the upside, I wrote several thousand words today. That was nice. And I had a great walk into the forest.
Obviously, I know I can’t. My husband will be home in an hour. So will my son. They don’t count, quite the contrary. Their daily homecoming is most welcome and I feel that I can be myself in their company. But everyone else better stay away or things could get nasty. I’m like the evil version of Annie Wilkes. I can be very protective of myself…
On the other hand, I still look forward to meeting people, and there is still part of me who longs to be social, to be out there, particularly when I guide guests and show them my town. Not sure what role I slip into, but that has never been a problem. At the end of the day, I can always take off the Hans-suit and be myself again. Strange, but I’m sure Paul Sheldon would be proud of me.
My subconscious, asking the questions no one else could think of…
Over the years, I’ve given a great many interviews, and I’ve answered a lot of questions. Most were predictable, kind, polite, some were naughty, some did catch me off guard. Some interviewers send questions ahead of time, to make sure you have the opportunity to think about a good response. Today, I’d like to try something else, asking myself questions, just like that, what comes to mind. Not sure this is going to work, but I hope it’ll be an honest interview because if I lie, I’ll know. LOL
Going straight for the jugular, are we? Yikes. Well, I did write a few hundred words earlier today, but to be honest, my mind wasn’t in it today. Not sure why. There’s a certain amount of procrastination involved. I was also preoccupied with some personal, financial stuff, and my guiding business which I spent some time on.
Just an example of how alternative communication can look like. I’ll need to incorporate some form of that into the book.
But the real truth is that I’m scared. Afraid I won’t do Matt justice, and he’s not been talking to me, really. Not for a few days. I had this amazing meeting last week, where I was learning about alternative forms of communication, and walking away from it, I was super inspired, but then I got scared. Scared to screw things up, scared to write poorly. I always endeavor to improve my game, for the next book to be better than the previous one, and I feel it’s becoming increasingly difficult, mentally. The more critical I am of myself, the bigger the hurdles to open the file and write. I’ll get there. Just give me a few days.
You have no deadline for this. Does it affect you?
Not sure. Could be. Then again, I’ve hardly ever had to write toward a deadline. I’ve never participated in something like NaNo. Just not my thing. Then again, I want the book to be out next spring which means it’ll have to be done and with my publisher before the end of the year. Having so much time is unusual. So yes, maybe that helps with the procrastination. You know the aegis, right: “That which you can do today, postpone right away!”
How does the public debate on various topics influence you?
It depends on what the subject is. Let’s say “Brexit”… That has no influence on my writing at all. But there are things in politics around the world that might find their way onto the pages of my books, e.g. the environment, global warming (The Golden One.) Sometimes it can be a discussion on Facebook (here’s one example), e.g. there has been a debate in the past year or so about bi-visibility in books, TV, and films which have been on my mind.
Lucifer Morningstar, the devil himself (which incidentally makes hell look like a much nicer place than heaven), is portrayed as very bisexual in the series with the same name, or should I say pansexual, given his inclusion of non-human lovers? Labels, another post entirely! In any case, I find it highly refreshing that he also has sex with men, even though the show focuses on his relationships with the “detective” and lately, Eve.
I think about how my characters (I’ve only ever had one character who’s openly bi in one of my books) and what I can do to help the community to feel more included. It’s also had me think a lot about how I interpret bi characters when I read/watch. Am I disappointed when a male bi character suddenly hooks up/ends up with a woman? Why? Do I gay-wash him when he’s with a guy? What are my feelings about bi people in general? Should I include one (and the debate) in one of my books? I just had this idea to let one of my characters in my new book be openly and unabashedly bi (and have it out with an ex.) That could be a cool scene if it works with the rest of the book.
Visibility, the true representation of all kinds of diversity are important in books.
Any other topics that influence you?
Of course. Mostly topics that somehow have a bearing on my personal life, my relationships, my family. Feminism is always on my mind, women’s rights in general. Voting, representation, discussions about abortion, women’s control over their own lives, their bodies, how women themselves often seem to have opinions about what other women can/should/cannot/shouldn’t do. #MeToo is often on my mind, too, not just because I’m a rape victim myself, but because I often see how women react to me, a middle-aged man, when we meet in a solitary situation, the fear, the momentary stop in their walk, and I can virtually read the look in their eyes “is he a rapist, or not?”
Children are also something I think about, a lot. My son, his development. The differences between my upbringing and his. The fact that he already reads, is good at (simple) math, all the things he knows about the world, cultures, etc. A full year before I even started school. But I also worry, about his chances in life, given how the labor market changes, the global competition these days, how global warming may threaten his future and that of all of humanity. To name a few things constantly on my mind.
You’ve thought a lot about Haakon recently, and his time in Paris. Do you know why?
This is one of my favorite sights in Paris. Why? Hard to explain, but this is the spot of a key scene in “The Fallen Angels of Karnataka”
Is it presumptuous to say that The Fallen Angels of Karnataka is my most important work to date? I like to tell myself it is. I remember so well how long it took me to get back into the “zone” after The Opera House. Then I read a book by Larry Benjamin, who’s also published by Beaten Track, and I got this idea to write about travel, a classic travel novel, you know like Jules Verne, minus the Nautilus. But then, Michel happened, and after that, I was emotionally drained, and it was downhill from there.
So when the cathedral burned a while ago, I began to remember all the scenes of Michel and Haakon in Paris, the romance, the discussions, the illness and–last not least–Michel’s passing, which still is my all-time favorite scene in any of my books. And still, even after all these years, I can’t read it without crying. Michel died too soon. Plus there have been articles recently about the first ever HIV patient in the west, possible cures and what not, plus Norway’s national holiday last week. There have been a lot of reminders. It doesn’t take a lot to get this brain going…
So it seems. Even the tiniest little bit gets you to think about “stuff” you’ve experienced?
Yes. Literally. Anything. I can listen to my favorite podcasts and suddenly my mind wanders. I honestly don’t know how other people tick, but my mind is triggered by any- and everything. Not always, of course. But a lot of things. One shiny object leads to the next.
How do you focus?
That’s not fair. I can’t even answer that question. It is really difficult to quiet my mind, to get you to shut up for a while. I’ve recently discovered that not drinking coffee in the afternoon helps, at night anyway. When I wake up because of a noise or old-man-issues, I can fall back asleep quickly. But during the day, in order to write, I really need to be in the zone, to hear the characters talk to me from the depth of “you”. That way the rest sort of fades into the background.
Research is valuable, it helps me focus, having a task to complete. That sort of stuff usually keeps me single-minded. At least for a little while. I can be extremely productive and I work very fast…
And I guess it helps if I don’t have any other stuff going on that I need to worry about. Sadly that doesn’t happen all too often.
Willem has also been on your mind recently. How come?
Elections in South Africa, lots of articles and features on the country, putting things back on my mind. Plus I wonder at times if my “dystopian” predictions of how WWIII comes to pass are true if it really is global warming and the displacement of large segments of the global population that trigger it all. S’all. Just crazy me. Plus I really like Willem. He’s a bit of a role model. The perfect human. I wish I were more like him.
What about Jason. Why are you still thinking about him?
Okay, that’s not fair. I could just say that it’s because the final book isn’t out yet. But that’s not the only reason. The whole picture is a bit more complex. When I began writing about Jason, I had this notion of a movie in the back of my mind, and I can’t shake the feeling (and I’m probably jinxing it this very moment) about how cinematic the story feels. Maybe I suffer from megalomania (and I’m being way too open and honest right now), but I’d love to see it turned into a movie. I see all those fantasy books turned into movies and I wonder if The Golden One would work, too, or if there isn’t enough blood and gore in it. But I also wonder what would happen if a movie would be tremendously successful. JK Rowling wasn’t done with Harry Potter when she finished the series, yet she still ads new books to the “universe”, these weird prequels. Game of Thrones simply continued where the books left off. I guess that is where I’m at right now with Jason. Preposterous, right? I just see him where he is at the end of book three and (I can’t say anything) I wonder about the ending. How open is it?
Are you open to writing a fourth book? A fifth?
See, I can’t answer that question without giving away something that shouldn’t be out there. Yet. So no comment. For now.
But you’re thinking about it? Would you be open to re-writing the ending to make it happen?
*poker face* I, uh, okay, yes. I’ve been thinking about writing more. No, I would never rewrite the ending. It’s perfect as it is.
Okay, let me ask you about Matt… I sense a close relationship with his personal assistant. Where’s this going?
Not sure I can answer this yet. Matt certainly has feelings for Timmy. But I’m not sure those are answered. Certainly not in a romantic way. But I’m not finished yet, or let’s say you and I aren’t finished thinking about it yet. There are things to consider, such as how appropriate it is for a personal assistant to have a relationship with a patient/client. Besides, would Timmy fall for Matt? I have my own set of preconceptions and prejudice against people with severe disabilities that I’m working through. What makes someone attractive? To whom? Why? And how credible would that be? Let’s just say this is contributing to my procrastinating. This is one of the most difficult aspects to work through for me because I know that Matt loves Timmy. But yeah, the rest is up in the air. I have a lot of issues to work through.
So you’re being an asshole?
*blushes* I guess?
How do you envision this working out?
You’ll be the first to know when the words begin to appear on the screen. I really can’t say if they end up as friends or a couple. I honestly don’t know. But whatever happens between them will be a good thing because it’ll be the end of the book. It’ll be realistic, believable and relatable. Hopefully, I’ll have my shit sorted in time.
Any final thoughts?
Do I really want to publish this? Think this might backfire? Does anyone care about my ramblings with myself, basically?
Nice deflection, answering a question with questions. I guess we can call it a day…
Thanks for keeping me honest. Still not sure if this is such a good idea.
Off to an interesting meeting today, to learn more about alternative communication
Matt, the main character in my new novel (Opus XIII) is suffering from cerebral palsy. This is a condition that comes in many “flavors”. You may have seen characters with CP on TV, e.g. the teacher’s son, Walter Jr., in Breaking Bad or the main character in the new Netflix show Special. Not unlike autism, CP comes on a spectrum and in recent years, thanks to advances in medicine, we are able to help people with CP to live much fuller lives than in the past. For some, the damage from CP is so big that they are almost completely disabled, in some cases, they can’t communicate verbally. This is where alternative communication comes in.
I’m about to learn more about alternative communication
I’m sure you’ve seen how Stephen Hawking used a synthesized voice to communicate with the outside world. Mr. Hawking didn’t suffer from CP, he had MND. Over the years, you can read it in the Wikipedia article, he used different forms of alternative communication. Here’s a snippet from his appearance on Star Trek TNG:
Today, I have a meeting I’m really looking forward to. It’s with an expert on alternative communication at Dart, which is our local West Swedish center for alternative communication here in Gothenburg. I can’t wait to learn about how methods are developed and to see how I might be able to help Matt to break out of his shell.
(Almost) every case is different
You see, each person with a severe communicative disability is different. Okay, they all can’t speak, some might even be deaf, which makes things even more difficult. As babies and toddlers, our brains quickly learn. We recognize our names, realize who’s a mom and who’s dad, recognize them by putting a face next to a name repeated. My six-year-old son just recently entered a phase where he’s fascinated to learn that pappa and daddy not only have “titles” but names, too. He finds it titillating to call us Alex and Hans. Endlessly amusing.
We also learn to recognize objects, as they’re shown to us: forks, teddy bears, spoons, cups. You get the gist. And a healthy baby will repeat those words and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives as they learn new words. Now imagine if you can’t speak. You can’t repeat what your parents are telling you to. You just can’t get those words over your lips. In time people will realize that something is wrong, and they might take you to a doctor to learn more.
In time, with a lot of research, specialists at places like Dart will be able to find a way to help you break through that barrier. But how?
Not reinventing the wheel
I won’t spoil the story for you, but Matt is particularly challenged. There are a great many ways to help patients with communication challenges. Some might be able to use their hands to move a device that looks similar to a computer mouse to point to objects or letters and make words. Others use an eye tracker to see what the individual is looking at. However, not every method works for every patient and to make voluntary movements (rather than erratic ones which are common in CP patients), it will take a lot of time to determine what might work and what might not.
Unfortunately, not every patient with CP gets help. A while ago a friend told me about someone they met out and about with their parents, a young woman, severely physically disabled, unable to communicate. Just imagine the horror of being trapped inside your body, unable to speak, unable to communicate, make yourself heard, tell the world about your desires, your dreams, your hopes. Would you go crazy? In a way, this is what interests me the most about Matt’s journey.
For me, as an author, I’m not up to the task of inventing a communicative method of my own. Hence my meeting today. I have realized, thanks to Matt, what works for him. Now I need to find out just how I can use that to help him communicate, for the first time in his life. I can’t wait for that day when I get to write those chapters. I’m not quite there yet.
Realistic, believable, credible
At the end of the day, I need the story to be realistic enough to be credible to the audience, believable. Unlike the snippet from StarTrek above, this isn’t science-fiction. I can’t just “pretend” this or that, can’t simply attach a diode to Matt’s head which allows him to communicate freely. We’re just not there (yet?) The story I write is about Matt, it’s about someone who–for now–is relying on me to speak on his behalf. I want to write a story about a human being with a particular set of challenges and it won’t be until the end of the book that Matt gets to speak within quotation marks with his own words. Until then, he relies on me, on the things he tells me.
Books are important. The stories we tell are about seeing ourselves through the eyes of someone else. We want to read about “ourselves”. We crave to have our own life validated through the characters in the books we read. We need to see that we are not alone, the only one in the village. This is particularly important for minorities. And in a way, we’re all part of a minority, some may just be smaller than others. Sex, gender, age, creed, skin color, ethnicity, hair color, glasses, LGBTQ, disabilities, etc. All of these in infinite combinations. We’re all some of that, somewhere, somehow.
So is Matt. This may be his story, but it has to be relatable enough for abled people to maybe learn something and for people with disabilities to feel validated, seen. Maybe that’s a tall order. Maybe I’m not the right person to write about this (I’ve had this argument before), but I am an author. It’s my job to tell other people’s stories. Research helps me make sure I get it right.
I can’t wait to present you with this story, eventually, when it’s done. I expect it to be released next spring. Until then, we have the finale of The Golden One to look forward to.
A year ago, I would’ve flushed the unwanted intruder down the toilet…
I can’t take a walk through my beloved forest here on the island without minding my steps anymore. I see the tiny ants crossing the path I walk on as they try to shlep food or building materials back to their anthill, and I try to stay out of their path. This morning, getting dressed, I suddenly noticed a big fat spider on the chair next to our bed. Despite the urge to scream (yeah, I’m that big a wuss…) I calmly removed the rest of the items, placed them on my bed and then picked up the chair, carried it to the back door, opened it and released the spider back into nature. Sadly, I’m not Jason Mendez, and I didn’t get any thanks from the spider, although I DO have a hunch that it would’ve rather remained in the warmth of the house. Alas, it’s not my kind of roommate.
The Cover of my fantasy novel The Golden One – Blooming, the first in a trilogy about seventeen-year-old Jason Mendez.
How writing the Golden One changed my outlook on the animal kingdom
I have never been a big fan of insects. Spiders give me the heeby-jeebies, mosquitos annoy me and most bugs are just gross. My personal hate object have always been cockroaches, so much that I once ended up in a hospital thanks to a particular nasty individual who insisted on falling on my face after pre-teen me tucked myself into bed, tightly tucked with my arms under the sheets, unable to defend myself when the cockroach’s antennae appeared on top of the wooden headboard and it suddenly fell on my face. I had a panic attack and was admitted to the hospital. Ever since, I’ve been persecuted by that particular animal species across the planet, all the way to the Maldives. Luckily we don’t have any here on the island. Yeah, me and cockroaches. Not a pretty story.
Having said that, when I wrote Jason’s story in the past year, my outlook on the animal kingdom (as well as plant life and fungi) changed, subtly at first. I barely noticed how I began to look at my surroundings differently. I began to “see” articles about nature in the papers I read, I’ve learned about the value that particularly insects have in the great scheme of things and how we humans greatly depend on them, even though they’re not really a primary source of food for us. And it’s not just honey bees I’m talking about. Yes, they are very important and we have to make sure to save those populations, But it’s butterflies, wasps, bumblebees and other pollinating insects as well, along with every stink bug, maggot, and other insects that in one way or another serve their purpose in the grand scheme of things, be it in softening our soils, be it as a food source for another animal in the amazing pyramid that “Mother” has created over the eons.
The entire series is available as an ebook, a paperback or as an audiobook.
“Do no harm”, that’s what Jason has taught me
I was never viciously killing animals. I recall a specific instance when we had been out with our boat to an island in the outer band for an overnight stay with our then exchange student. At one point as we were enjoying the warm evening air, adults sipping wine, he picked up a clam from the boulder we were anchored against and suddenly crushed it. No apparent reason. Just for the heck of it. I got super angry at him for the needless kill of an animal. He didn’t understand my anger because to him, a clam’s life wasn’t really much to care about. He stopped nevertheless.
I often see kids kill animals, I see them fish for crabs (which must be terribly stressful for the critters, being stuck and sometimes killed in tiny plastic buckets), I see them squash ants with their fingers or tiny feet. But I notice in particular how few parents (if any, ever) tell their kids not to. But if you don’t respect the weakest members of Mother’s creation, how can you expect the same kids to not pull a cat’s or dog’s tail? Not to maltreat pets or other animals in time? Unfortunately, humanity attributes a purely economic value to the animals and plants around us. Some are desirable (“valuable”), others are not, and we treat them accordingly.
We are about to face the music for our callous behavior
I recently read an article about the extinction of insects in Germany. So many pesticides and insecticides have been used in their agriculture in the past decades that already more than half the insect populations are gone. I still remember that when you’d take a long drive decades ago you’d end up with stains of squashed bugs against the windshield. No more. I try hard to remember when I last had to clean (remember how hard that was?) a bug stain from our car’s windshield, but I can’t. That says a lot. Germany and other countries could be out of insects within a century if we don’t do anything about it.
The final installation of the Golden One, Reckoning, will be released this fall.
Yes, we may have higher yields of crops today, but what about tomorrow? Who’s going to pollinate for us? What are birds and rodents going to eat? And what are foxes, lynx, and other predators going to feed on if birds and rodent populations disappear as a consequence thereof? Nature’s carefully calibrated food pyramid is about to lose its base and the fall from the top for us, humanity, will be far and hard.
It’s not too late, or is it?
When I began writing the Golden One, the idea in the back of my mind was climate change, and how we could find a way forward. I quickly realized that no one being, regardless of how powerful they were. Only as a species, a global community, can we hope to fight global warming and the effects of a changing climate. But that’s only part of the environmental challenge we face. The current wave of mass extinction of species is another. While species have always come and gone, the current level thereof and the speed is unprecedented, and it is entirely humanity’s doing.
It’s funny. All it took for me to realize the value of an animal, any animal, was pretending to talk to it. Give animals a voice and suddenly you can’t dismiss them as easily. In a way, you’re lucky (if you read this) because you don’t have to go through the process. You can simply pick up the finished books and partake of their voice, or–even better–listen to the amazing Vance Bastian narrate the story for you, complete with animated animal voices, be it the simplest bug to the mighty elk!
There’s a reason why authors keep nagging about reviews
1.11% is a number that is greatly frustrating me. It’s the percentage of reviews I’ve received last year. Roughly one in a hundred book buyers actually left a review. In reality, the number is lower because some reviews are left by reviewers who work with advance review copies, i.e. books they don’t pay for. The low number of reviews isn’t just frustrating for me, it’s a source of great consternation for most authors out there. A couple of years ago, when Disease came out, I had been in touch with several Alzheimer’s associations around the world, and one of them, in Australia, said they’d be happy to mention the book to their members, as soon as I’d reached one hundred reviews. I got to thirty-one during that release cycle, having to work hard for every single review.
Why reviews matter
Disease was greatly received by the audiences, but after I had worked hard for those first reviews, they’ve pretty much stopped, even though the book still sells.
The sad truth is that reviews matter. For many reasons. Of course, I could tell you how much I love to read them, but I won’t lie to you. I usually don’t, simply because I’m unaware of them. Also because I have thin skin (I share this trait with most artists) and a negative review can ruin my mood for days. If someone emails me a positive review I walk on cloud #7 instead. Some readers think that authors learn from reviews. With all due respect: don’t overestimate your importance. I say this in all humility. That is not the job of a review, nor the job of a reviewer. By the time a book is released, it’s polished and looks exactly the way author and publisher intend it to be. Nothing left to change, except for some sad and overlooked typos. If you feel you need to teach an author a lesson, try to get involved during the alpha-, beta-, editing or proofreading stage. I know some freelance editors who itch to critique a finished novel as a way to pitch their services. I also know editors who have killed for less after having read such reviews. Just saying.
But reviews matter. The primary reason is commercial. The more reviews a book garners on a site, the more likely it will be highlighted by the site’s algorithms. There are differences, of course, but many reviews are always better than few or none. That is why they matter to the authors and publishers of the world. This isn’t just true for books, but any product sold online, and the main reason why we’re all asked for reviews, be it after a hotel night, a product purchase, by the apps on our phones and–duh!–authors and publishers.
I think readers who are afraid to leave a bad or negative review make a big mistake. Firstly: if a book is full of plot holes, or poorly formatted, or if the story just doesn’t make sense, don’t you think other readers deserve a word of caution before they invest their money? It’s so easy to publish books today. Upload your word document, slap on a cover and you’re pretty much done. No editing, no proofing, no typesetting.
Equally, if you do not like a perfectly well-crafted book, I think people deserve to know. Let’s face it: there is NO book that is for everyone. If you don’t like that a book includes e.g. a descriptive sex scene, this is great customer information. It might actually attract readers who enjoy that sort of reading. It doesn’t mean it’s a bad book, but simply that it’s a book that wasn’t for you. You might not enjoy lengthy descriptions of locales in a story or how the dialogue is structured or, or, or… Someone else might love that. I hope that makes sense.
Finally, consider this: as much as I love a five-star review, and I am personally super lucky to get amazing reviews (the ones that I receive), but look at it from your point of view, as a reader. When you look for a product that is adorned with five-star reviews only, doesn’t that make you the least bit suspicious? Aren’t you more at ease when you see that there is a mix of reviews? Sure, we all want the majority of those to be favorable, but all of them? Which isn’t to mean that you should start to hand out one-star reviews, but rather than not leaving a review, wouldn’t a two- or three-star review be better? To balance all those five-star ones?
I don’t review because I’m not good at writing…
I get this a lot from people I talk to about reviews. Thing is, you don’t have to be a writer or author to review. Simply say what you like about a book, what was your favorite aspect? What didn’t work for you? Maybe explain why? I understand that many readers want to do the author justice, but remember this: your review isn’t for the author. It’s for other readers. Keep it simple, keep it short. There is no need for a review to be several paragraphs long. Yes, some reviews are long, they look at a great many aspects of a book, and being a reviewer myself, I can often write a thousand words or more in my reviews here. But let’s be honest: on Amazon, nobody’s going to read a review that is longer than 200 words. They might read the first couple of sentences and then move on to the next. Our attention span is limited. We look at the stars and then why those stars were awarded (or not.) Simple as that.
I used to review, but then got flak from the author
First, allow me to apologize on behalf of all authors, and I don’t give a shit whether they allow me to or not. To criticize a review is one of the taboos I hold dear in my job as a writer. So what if you get a bad review (see above.) It’s not a criticism of you as a person. I know, I know. Authors are sensitive flowers and read on a wrong day (heater broke, the youngest kid was sent to the principal’s office, car totaled) we are all extra sensitive to it. BUT, readers are entitled to their views in peace and quiet. And as authors, we have no right to go after them. And sadly, it happens.
But instead of giving up on reviewing altogether, please consider just sticking the middle finger to that particular individual. Continue reviewing other books you read. To my fellow authors, I say this: if a review rubs you the wrong way, for whatever reason, look the other way. Talk to a friend or a fan and let them pick you up from the gutter of your self-loathing (we’ve all been there.) But never, ever, take your frustration out on a reader. We all end up losing.
Reviews matter, they are probably the single best thing you can do for an author besides buying their work
I can’t stress this enough. Reviews are absolutely critical and on sites like Amazon where most Americans and Britons these days look for “stuff” (regardless of what it is), having reviews is essential to a book’s visibility. So if you have a moment, please go back to your orders and review past book purchases. We authors will be forever grateful for it. This is even more important for authors who are not published by the “big five” where marketing funds will make sure to highlight those books to potential readers. Indie authors and authors with small presses just don’t have that luxury. Reviews and sales are the only way to make a dent, to be seen among the fifty-plus million books that are on sale on Amazon. And without reviews, no/fewer sales.
Most people buy their books on Amazon. Like that fact or not, but a fact it is. Review there. Or leave it wherever you buy your book. If you have the time and feel inclined to, reviews on BookBub or Gollumreads are appreciated, even though the “average” reader doesn’t frequent those sites. They are geared toward very frequent readers, fans.
I just can’t…
Patreon is a service to help artists find people to keep creating their art through crowdfunding.
I get it. And you are in good company. Unfortunately for us authors. But even if you can’t bring yourself to review because of bad experiences, lack of time or just can’t find the right words, there are still things you can do to help an author: why not recommend a book you like to a friend or two? Word of mouth is the best marketing method there is (hence reviews…) and if every reader were to get two more people to buy a book, most authors would have fewer reasons to complain about declining book sales.
If you are active on social media, and you see a post by an author you like, heart/like it. No need to comment, but those darned algorithms react to reactions. It doesn’t even take a second and you’ve done a good deed. Share, comment, encourage. Write your favorite author a letter/email and I guarantee you there will be smiles on the other end. Most of us who do not support ourselves financially with our writing “live and breathe” those messages. They truly make our days.
If all of that isn’t for you, but you have money for a couple of lattes to spare, consider sponsoring an artist through sites like Patreon. I just started my page after long consideration and I’ve just written a post explaining why contributions make such a big difference for us.
Please don’t read this post as a “lecture”. I have had several conversations over the past weeks and months on this subject with readers, and I’ve recently attended a seminar which really drove home the importance of reviews for me. Hence the above. I felt I wanted to address some of the concerns and provide perspective.
I would also like to say thank you: thank you to those who buy my books and others, to readers who reach out and care, reviewers and my first patrons. Art isn’t primarily about money. Every true artist keeps saying that, but the fact of the matter is that “love” and “exposure” don’t pay utility bills and they don’t keep us from maxing out credit cards.
Every author’s life is different, our circumstances vary and we do what we do for a great many reasons. I can only speak for my own. Thank you for supporting us, the arts, for allowing us to enrich human culture, to facilitate our continued growth and development, particularly “in these dark and troubling times”.
Branding is more than a logotype or a genre to write in…
I’m still thinking about the breakfast seminar I attended yesterday… Bear with me. In it, the number 76 was imprinted (branded?) on us. 76% of all marketing efforts of companies selling primarily online was aimed at strengthening their brand, NOT to promote specific products or getting people to buy stuff. Research from traditional marketing suggests that number be 60%. So why do online brands focus more on branding? The answer is that people buy your goods on marketplaces that do not bear your logo, places like Alibaba, Amazon et al. For me, as an author, I can add B&N, Apple, Smashwords, Kobo and all the many bookstores around the world. NONE of them bear my name (duh!) and none of them care the least about me. In order to make a dent, to be recognized, we need to focus on our brand image.
A brand is an overall experience of a customer that distinguishes an organization or product from its rivals in the eyes of the customer. Brands are used in business, marketing, and advertising. […]
Branding is a set of marketing and communication methods that help to distinguish a company or products from competitors, aiming to create a lasting impression in the minds of customers. The key components that form a brand’s toolbox include a brand’s identity, brand communication (such as by logos and trademarks), brand awareness, brand loyalty, and various branding (brand management) strategies. Many companies believe that there is often little to differentiate between several types of products in the 21st century, and therefore branding is one of a few remaining forms of product differentiation.
Here’s what I take from this for me, an author; words like customer experience, but also identity, communication, loyalty, and awareness. But also the last sentence, which is how I began the post. At the seminar, we were told that we live in an age where there is a bigger supply than demand. How can I make sure that a reader chooses my books among fifty million to choose from?
How to approach branding
One of the many swag items I produced. This coffee mug is the most expensive item, either sold at cons or given to those who buy several books in bulk.
I do not have many resources for branding. There are anecdotal stories about how a book reaches a big audience. One of the stories I recall hearing relates to the first English translation of Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Apparently (I can’t vouch if this is true or just an urban tale, so take it with a pinch of salt), the English publisher passed out thousands of free copies of the book in the London subway to create a buzz for the book. If true, it certainly worked, as the Millennium Trilogy has since been adapted for the silver screen and expanded into additional books ghost-written after the author’s death. A lot of money involved. That would be considered an example of product branding. Who cares about a dead author? Not much to work with except of course legends (there is a certain amount of that going on here in Sweden, but that’s beside the point here)
I don’t have the money to give away thousands of printed copies of my books in the subway. I have tried to move books using BookBub, and in both instances, a book of mine was accepted, it worked out nicely. however, and I think this is critical, while both books became bestsellers, the number of reviews garnered was low. Of fifteen-thousand plus copies sold of The Opera House, only thirty-five actually reviewed the book. Mind you, great reviews, but still. 0.0067% is a miserable conversion rate. My second Bookbub with Disease didn’t fare any better. While Bookbub will get you great sales numbers (at considerable cost!), it will not lift your book in the long run due to miserable conversion rates.
My (lacking) approach
So what else can you do?
The official logo of author Hans M Hirschi
What do I do? Swag is something that comes to mind, a logotype. I began creating swag in 2015 for conventions I attended (another branding aspect.) The logo came in 2016. I’m not a huge fan of swag and I haven’t produced anything for two years. I still have pens left over (the most sensible thing done) as well as buttons, key chains, and coffee mugs.
I have never really done my homework. Yes, I gave the designer of my logo instructions, but if you look at my author logo you may not necessarily get to the same associations about the brand I want you to. Then again, what logo ever does that? My logo is fairly masculine, despite the “crown” (which stems from my nickname “The Queen of Unconventional Happy Endings“) I still like my logo and even though I might wish to alter my brand image, I believe I can achieve that with the existing logo. Others have. Besides, I’m a writer. My logo isn’t the culmination of my brand. It’s only a facet of it.
So what will I need to do?
So many faces, so many expressions. Who am I? Which best expresses my core values? My brand?
I need to sit down and figure out what I actually want my brand to signify, what I want it to imply. What emotions do I wish to evoke? What is it I want readers to associate me with? How broad do I want my branding to be (which speaks to my target audience), how do I communicate these values and emotions? I have a lot of work to do, and it’s not made easier by the fact that I have very little in terms of money to play with. If I could’ve asked my hosts from yesterday for help, I could easily spend tens of thousands of dollars in fees (before spending a dime on actual marketing) to answer these (and other) questions and reach success.
I remember a question that was put before me once by the GM of one of our countries in a company I worked for: what conversion rate do you envision? I was asking for funds for a campaign. He expected a 1:100 conversion rate, i.e. for every dollar spent he wanted 100 dollars ROI. Maybe he was just yanking my chains, maybe he was being realistic. At the time, I turned around and walked away. I barely knew how to compute ROI on training (different topic altogether) and we never saw the revenue of any sales. But that was then. Given that most of my books sell for five dollars, and we get maybe 50-60% of that, which I share equally with my publisher, I get about $1.25 per book sold. You do the math of how many books I’d have to sell to even afford a campaign, not to mention getting to that kind of ROI. We’re talking hundreds of thousands of ebooks. Compared to the 1,800 books sold last year. Yeah. Whatever approach I choose, it better be dirt cheap.
I have some ideas…
I have homework to do. Once I have figured out what kind of emotions I want my author brand to evoke, I need to work out how to communicate those. I need to think about how my genre-jumping (which doesn’t make things easier) can be aligned with the brand. And then I need to figure out how to communicate that to my readers (existing and potential ones.) Followed by actions on how I can convert that into sold books. I have ideas but need to carve out time to actually work on that. And I feel I really need to begin to focus on that work. I’ve always enjoyed marketing and PR work, although (in my previous life as a training and development executive) I used to have a fairly nice budget to achieve my goals. No longer. I may have to rely on guerilla tactics…
I attended a breakfast seminar this morning, getting up way early to go downtown. The seminar was organized by the Dentsu Aegis Network in Gothenburg and it was all about the rumored, coming, pending, threatened (I could go on, you know…) arrival of Amazon on the Swedish market. This has been talked about for years, but only last year (or so) did they get the .se domain and rumors have it that they’re working on distribution and/or have that finalized. Whether or not they’ll open up, that’s a different question. Doesn’t stop companies from selling services or others from wondering about how to tackle the arrival of such a disruptive force in e-commerce.
Author, what are you doing there?
My logo, part of my branding. But hardly enough.
First, as a poor author, it would be stupid to say no to a free breakfast. Thanks, Dentsu Aegis! 😉 Second, duh! Amazon, right? I mean, where do I make most of my money (what little I make) if not through Amazon? I’ve been working with them since 2013, and even though I often want to pull out every last hair on my head, I realize that they ARE the most important sales channel for me. So I was curious to learn more about how I might improve my presence on Amazon, potentially learn about advertising as well as tips and tricks on how to beat the system. I left disappointed. The seminar wasn’t geared toward authors who possess no marketing budgets from which Dentsu Aegis could’ve recovered the cost for my morning coffee and sandwich. I already knew that before sitting down.
However, I did learn some interesting things, even though I qualify as “vendor” to Amazon and they fulfill everything. Things like the fact that most people never click beyond the first page of results, which is frustrating, particularly when you write queer literature, and you compete with naked torsos and Michelle Obama’s biography (WTF?) It’s a fact and not much I can do about. At one point, one of the speakers rightly pointed out that the more you sell, the higher the ranking, which leads to more sales. Mind you, he was referring to products not books, but we were first and bestsellers do sell best. Duh.
I’ve never tried advertising on Amazon. I wish I could, but they won’t let me. As a non-US entity, I can’t advertise on Amazon and every time I try, I’m met with this lovely fuck-off message: “This account may not purchase licenses for this product due [sic!] country or region restrictions. Please check your country or region settings and try again.” Besides, I readily admit that I wouldn’t even know where to start. It’s like contacting them and getting to talk to a human.
What I did take away from the seminar though was that branding, and focusing your ad money on branding was more important than focusing on pushing product, which feels a bit counter-intuitive until you think about it. Because when others push your wares (aforementioned Amazon), you need to have a strong brand to stand out against the rest, selling similar stuff. Mind you, as authors it’s a little bit different. A book isn’t a phone or a fridge. But there are similarities in that even writers have a brand, and it is important for us to focus on our brand, to cherish it, look after it, cultivate our image.
The speck of light…
I’m but a speck of light in the universe…
Which brings me back to the title of this post: who the hell am I to help a reader find my bock in a place filled with over fifty million books? I feel like that one speck of light in the universe and the readers are literally lost in space looking for something. That something I so desperately want to be me? My speck of light? Will they be attracted to the brightest light? The most colorful? Probably a bit of both, and without overstretching the analogy, I can say that this is what I will try and focus on a little more going forward, to build a brand image of myself (inexpensively) to increase the lumen of my brand.
Do I have a brand today? I guess I do, but it’s obviously not nearly well known enough, so that’s one aspect. The other is obviously to make sure the connotations associated with me and my writing are such that readers want to read more, can’t wait for the next book.
Breadcrumbs on the way to success: reviews
There are obviously other aspects as well, particularly reviews. I don’t really have to worry about customer service, fulfillment etc, as Amazon handles that for me (and my publisher.) However, I do worry greatly about reviews and the lack thereof. Most people who buy my books do not leave a review, and that is sad because I know. I sold 1,800 books (not much, I know) last year, but only a fraction of those left reviews. I think that is probably my number one goal this year, to get more people to review my work on Amazon. If only 10% of those people had left a review, that would mean 180 reviews. My most reviewed book to date has 37 reviews. Mind you, that would make a HUGE difference. How to get there? That’s a different question altogether. Tips? Always welcome.
I’ll keep thinking about this for a day or two, and who knows, I might come up with more. Some things I know might help (e.g. stick to writing in one genre) I won’t consider. It’s not me. Others I may not be aware of yet.
This weekend I attended a regional book fair a few hundred kilometers north of Gothenburg. It was my second visit. Last year the organizers had asked me to attend and “sponsored” me. I was also able to stay with friends to minimize the cost. Not so much this year. I had sold decently last year and figured I’d do well again this year. Well being about ten books, if memory serves me right. We decided to take the weekend and take our son along, as he loves train rides and hadn’t seen this part of the country. While a fun day and fair for me, financially, it was a bad decision.
The economy of a non-bestselling author
Most people don’t like to talk about money or income. I don’t have much to hide. My royalties are non-existent and I still see (on average) a book or two per day, making my Amazon author rank zig-zag between 30,000 and 250,000. It goes up when I release a book and down again after a while. Every time I sell a book, it goes up drastically. Makes you wonder how many people actually make a living from their writing. I know authors who sell a lot more who still have day jobs. I don’t. More about that (and why) in a minute.
Let’s just have a look at this weekend and the cost I incurred: train ticket, hotel, a table at the conference, the cost of books v the income of books sold. Book fairs are fickle beings. Some years you sell well, some you don’t. This year, a combination of fair weather, plenty of other events and the “unknown” of the visitor composition meant that few people bought books. Writing in English, selling books in the Swedish countryside is challenging as it is, and given that some of my colleagues didn’t sell a single book, I have to be pleased with the two I did sell. However, comparing the cost I incurred (~$458), the revenue of ~$27.50 is a drop in the ocean. Two-thirds of my royalties spent in one weekend.
Why I make these “horrific” financial choices
The indie author’s daily reality: money down the drain.
Some might say I’m crazy. They might just be right. Some might not make the same choice. Why do I attend a fair like this, knowing full well that I will never recoup that cost. I will also add here that these events are like best-selling lists. Only a few will ever make money. At the fair this weekend, I reckon one, possibly two authors got their money back, one being the “star” of the show, the main event. Already making money, she likely made even more and was paid to appear. I’m not envious, but as these things go, the book world is a funny place: you need to be famous to get a book deal to make money which you already have, as you’re famous. Alas, it’s the world.
So why do I (and many others) attend these events? What could possibly motivate us to throw away money? Had I not better save that money for a rainier day (e.g. my retirement?) Obviously, I don’t. So why? I think for most authors, our “need” to tell our stories goes far beyond simply writing them. Many of us also invest a lot of money to get these stories published. ONE author in Sweden was lucky enough to be published by Nordic (and global) giant Bonnier last year. One author! I have a hunch that the picture is similar for the remainder of the “big five” (regardless of what country you call “yours”.) The rest of all debutants had to either rely on small niche publishers or self-publishing. Some might even have paid for expensive vanity publishing services. My publisher is a niche publisher, a small indie house, and they make about as much money as I do. The only real income is the love for stories and to be able to read and polish stories, to make them available for a wider public.
I think that applies to me as well. I enjoy meeting readers, to showcase my work, and the joy of someone buying a book (or two as it were) goes a long way. Will I make the same decision again next year, given the meager results? Probably not. But maybe attend another book fair?
An indie author’s drive
Money can’t be our driving force, that is clear. So what is? What keeps us going? Well, I think we have those stories bubble up within us and we just can’t help it. We have to tell them. And just as some people spend thousands of dollars renovating vintage cars, collecting stamps or coins, we spend money making these stories available, regardless of the cost (to a degree anyway.)
The decisions we make to arrive at where we are aren’t driven by what is most economically beneficial to us, or even from a marketing point of view. We often choose covers because they appeal to us, because they’re beautiful, not because they sell. We write blurbs that convey an emotion of the book, not one that hooks people into buying it, and we send our ARCs to those who would’ve bought the book anyway, in hope for a review, thus losing both money (and often enough not seeing a review.) We make decisions regarding our books from a place of love, not a place of making money.
Yet somewhere, in the depth of our subconscious, we all hope that some mysterious agent might pick up our work, that a film studio will stumble across it, despite the handful of reviews on Amazon, and love the story so much they’ll send us a contract worth six-figures to sign us with all the fame and glory that comes with that. We all do. One in a million actually sees that contract. Just like the American dream, for most, it remains a dream at best.
Are you crazy? Get out and work!
I’m sure that most of the handful of people who will read this post will have this thought on their mind by now: why don’t you get a job? Why don’t you go back to working full-time? The answer isn’t an easy one, and it implies a shameful admission: it’s not as easy as it sounds. Today’s job market is brutal and we compete not just within our own countries but with bright, well-educated people around the world. I’m old, and at fifty-one (soon to be fifty-two) my education isn’t “fresh”. I’m also quite expensive (and no, I can’t call an employer and say that I’ll accept a 28-year old’s wage because they’d think I’m nuts/desperate) in the eyes of an employer given my thirty-year experience on the job market.
I’ve applied for a great number of jobs, both within what the market considers my “core” competencies and within adjacent areas. The result: one interview in three years. I’m either considered over-qualified (aka too old) or I don’t have the right industry background. Add to that that every year that I’ve been writing widens the chasm to the so-called workforce and I’m considered too remote and useless. Spice it up with a pinch of Xeno- and homophobia and my job market is all but the Gobi desert. This is all doing a stellar job on my self-esteem. So I keep writing because I can’t sit still and twiddle my thumbs. I need to work, I need to do something. And yes, I’m keeping my eyes on job adverts, too. I am capable of multi-tasking. 😉
I honestly don’t know. I have no real WIP at this time. No inspiration for the next great Swedish novel (in English.) I’m working on a children’s book, but that’s a long-term project. Short term? Find my inspiration? Make sure my self-worth, my self-esteem and what Americans so often refer to as “confidence” doesn’t plummet further? I don’t want to appear as a pity-party because I’m doing well, especially compared to the millions and millions without a meal on their table, those who lose house and home to natural disasters or those who are constantly under threat from oppressive regimes. Who am I to complain? First-world problems, right?