Release Day post: The Golden One–Blooming, a fantasy story begins…

Release Day post: The Golden One–Blooming, a fantasy story begins…

The Golden One is a fresh take on the fantasy genre

Release Day will always be special, even when it’s your seventeenth full-length book. These past couple of weeks have been hectic with proofing of the text and getting everything ready. Last week I sat opposite my visiting father, deeply engrossed in my work, while he wondered why I was so absent. He hadn’t visited for three years and well, I had a deadline to observe. Today we release the first installment of The Golden One, a novel called Blooming, and readers all over the world get to meet Jason and his friends.

My coming fantasy novel is the first book in a planned series of three. A story for youths and teens primarily dealing with the big threats our planet is dealing with today.

A new take on fantasy

This is my first take on the fantasy genre. I think I’ve said it before that most of my books are ventures into a new genre. The only thing that binds them is the fact that they are all “feel-good” and in some way have a connection to the LGBT world, but that’s not really a genre. It’s a biological trait. I’ve read quite a few fantasy novels in my professional capacity. I’m not a huge fan personally, I prefer to stick to reality. It is, possibly, one of my trademarks.

When I wrote Willem of the Tafel, my venture into Sci-Fi, there were no phasers, spaceships or aliens. Instead, it was a very down-to-earth story. The Sci-Fi? It played out in the future, on a very different Earth, ravaged by war and climate change. The latter is also at the core of The Golden One. It’s the single biggest challenge facing our planet, even if there are still far too many people out there who don’t seem to understand, who do not grasp just how serious these challenges are, to every single aspect of life on Earth.

Global warming is at the core of the new story

With every new report, the IPCC is shouting louder: we need to get cracking! Time’s running out. Yet at the same time, we see more and more politicians and elections that refute scientific findings. That makes me sad because science cannot be refuted. It’s one thing to have a bunch of people in Oklahoma build a wooden arc that includes dinosaurs (sic!) They’re few and nobody really takes them seriously, although maybe we should. They remind us of “flat earthers”…

However, those who refuse to see how the world is changing before our eyes, with “once in a million years” drought, wildfires growing bigger and more menacing year over year, hurricanes more and more devastating to the degree that researchers consider upgrading the 1-5 scale to include a six and a seven, or why not the disappearance of an island in the Hawaiian archipelago this year? We refuse to see what is happening right before our eyes. And while we may not have to worry about the world we leave behind, what about our children? Our grandkids? What does it say about us if we don’t care about our own families?

As an author, I can’t make people understand climate change, get them to magically vote the right way. Just look at the U.S. or Brazil. I have no influence there. My one and only vote is here in Sweden. What I can do, however, is to show people how in nature, everything is connected, everything, and if you change things in one corner, it all unravels.

The Golden One is for everyone

Like many fantasy stories, our heroes are young, a group of five teenagers aged seventeen to eighteen. Going to school, they take on their challenges in their spare time. I’ve always been fascinated by stories that address a younger audience, an audience who’s still eager to learn, with open minds, to tell them stories of hope of a better future.

After Spanish Bay, this is my second “young adult” novel. But just because it’s written with teens in mind, that doesn’t mean that adults won’t enjoy it. How many of us have read the Harry Potter books as adults? I think the fantasy genre is predestined to have young heroes, simply because of the innocence of their minds.

Even here, The Golden One is a typical Hirschi story. There’s plenty of emotion, contemplation and introspective, and while there is plenty of action, the focus isn’t on epic battles but more on the inner struggle.

Writing a series from the start is an interesting challenge…

When you write a book with a series of three (or more) in mind, you have the luxury of allowing your characters to grow over a longer period of time. It also presents you with a very interesting challenge. While the second book is basically written, the third isn’t. I’m about 20% in. Every conversation I have with people might influence the content of the final book. I find that interesting and scary. Readers might actually influence the outcome of the story. If that is something you might consider, talk to me, a lot… I know how my subconscious works and that everything I see, hear and feel eventually finds itself onto the pages of my work.

I haven’t decided exactly how the book series will end. It’s going to be epic, of course, and hopeful, in the tradition of my writing, but I have a couple of different ideas that I’m still juggling. Who knows what the discussions about the book will lead to. Who knows, there might be a third or even fourth option. Which one will ultimately come to life you’ll see next fall.

Join in now…

Book two “Deceit” will be released in Mid-March 2019, followed by the final installment in October 2019. And for the first time ever, I’m trying to get out the audiobook as soon as I can. So you’ll get to choose between reading it on paper, on your e-reader
or listen to it. I presume that it’ll be available within a month (ACX does not do exact release dates.) Natasha, who does the covers for my books, just sent me the cover for the audiobook, so you’re the first ones to see it.

Vance Bastian, who is narrating it, is an accomplished expert on the narration of fantasy novels and given the specific characters in this story, I’m sure he’ll do a stellar job. Vance is narrating many books for my publisher Beaten Track. I hope you’ll give it a shot. I think this sort of story is predestined to be listened to, whether you iron shirts or take a long walk through the forest.

Blooming releases today from my publisher Beaten Track and is available for worldwide distribution. I invite you to read the book and get to know Jason Mendez and his Byeonsin friends. The book is available on all your favorite online resellers and well-stocked bookstores. Check out the book’s page to learn more.

Welcome to my (new) world…

Hans

My first children’s book: The Dragon princess comes this week

My first children’s book: The Dragon princess comes this week

Meet Felicity Swan, the illustrator who made it possible

Writing a children’s book has been my dream ever since my son was born. I just wanted to add something to his life that we as rainbow parents are hard-pressed to find. Our son already owns a good hundred books, and some of them are positively archaic, with moms by the stove and handy dads. Horrifying! He also owns two books out of a hundred where rainbow families or being LGBT are mentioned. One is And Tango Makes Three (of course!), the other one is Marlon Bundo (the good version.) I began writing The Dragon Princess a couple of years ago (!) when we only had the book about Tango, and I’m finally able to get it out. This week. Thursday. To make it possible, I needed a great illustrator. Dozens applied for the job, I finally decided to work with Felicity Swan. You’ll understand why. Let’s get to know this amazing artist. I sent her a few questions, and she’s generously answered those for us:

The Interview

Q: Who is Felicity Swan in her own words?

I’m a freelance writer and artist. I draw comics, illustrations, and write books.

Q: What is one thing you would like the world to remember you for?

When someone closes a book I’ve written, I want them to feel a connection to it. Whether its hopeful or feeling like they’re not alone in their struggles or even feel understood in some way. I hope they feel the same way I do when I read my favorite books.

Q: What got you into illustrating?

I’ve always been drawing from the time I could hold a pencil. I started taking it seriously after I got my associates degree and realized university life wasn’t for me. I wanted to find what made me happy, not what I thought others expected of me. I was good at writing and drawing, so I pursued those instead.

Q: What inspires you? Do you have any specific “style”?

When it comes to style, it depends on the work and the tone I’m going for. I don’t believe in being tied to any one style, but it’s all about effectively communicating with your audience. I’m influenced by a variety of artists: Art Spiegleman, Aaron Alexovich, Jason Brubaker, Hiayao Miyazaki, Yun Koga, and a variety of independent artists.

Front cover of my coming children’s book The Dragon Princess, releasing September 20, 2018

“First time I’ve collaborated on an illustrated book”

Q: One of the reasons why I absolutely fell for your style is the multi-faceted it is. I remember when you first sent me your sketches and how there was so much depth, so many layers or what I would call sub-text, but I guess it would be better to refer to just layers. How do you go about when you work with e.g. an author?

This is the first time I’ve collaborated on an illustrated book. When it comes to commissions and this collaboration, I’m usually given an idea of what someone wants – either a description or a set of images to work with. From there, I do my best to capture what the client wants, either through what they’ve unconsciously strung together through the images provided or from what I can get from their descriptions. For your writing, I was really drawn in by your use of contrasts in your descriptions – hot vs cold, young vs old, small vs large. So I used that as a base for everything – from colors to silhouettes. The parents have sharper edges than Valarius and Evander, both who have softer and sleeker designs. I wanted to have a contrast in warm vibrant colors for the protagonists and cold, darker colors for those affected by the curse.

“Ideas come from everywhere”

Q: Can you tell us a little bit about the process you work with, from idea to sketch to final rendering?

My ideas come from everywhere, to be honest – dreams, a simple idea, a “what if” thought, or even just a certain image or the way items are placed together. Heck, me misinterpreting a scene cut out of a show or game can lead to a cool story. Lately, I’ve been recycling old ideas in order to help flesh out new stories. When it comes to my comics, I’ll have a few ideas, I’ll write a summary, a few outlines, and then start the sketching phase where I start piecing things together or clearing up ideas and figuring out what I want the style to be. Some comics, I’ve had to leave off to the side and allow the idea to mature because I couldn’t think of an ending or I didn’t like the middle. Then I work on thumbnails (small mock-ups) of the pages, then I put my nose to the grindstone. Its a similar process for illustrations.

Q: Do you work exclusively with a computer or do you also illustrate on physical materials, e.g. paper, canvas?

I work mainly on my computer. When it comes to sketching or making “ugly sketches” I work on physical paper. My main medium is dry mediums. Thankfully, I was able to purchase a display tablet this time and my output has almost doubled.

One of the amazing illustrations by Felicity Swan in the Dragon Princess.

One of the amazing illustrations by Felicity Swan in the Dragon Princess.

Q: Toward the very end of our collaboration, you mentioned that you were visually impaired, which – if possible – increased my admiration for your work. Does your impairment influence your artistic expression, the work-flow?

All my life, I’ve had going blind hanging over my head. I’ve also had horrible depth perception and ocular migraines (lights and colors over my vision; not painful aside from eye strain). I think my first encounter with near-retinal detachment at the age of ten was a real wake up call for me and I started really pursuing writing.

“Four surgeries to prevent blindness in my right eye”

Before you commissioned me, I’d had four surgeries to prevent blindness in my right eye. There’s a cataract over that eye now and I’ll have surgery number five in the near future. It’s likely that, in ten years, I’ll lose that eye due to scar tissue. So, yes, it does influence my artistic expression – I feel a pressure to hurry and tell my stories. Not only that, but my near-nearsightedness makes seeing things far away difficult, so backgrounds and landscapes are tough for me. And having one eye to look through has done a number on my ocular migraines and made it harder to read books with normal sized text. I haven’t noticed too much of a difference with my drawing, though.

“It was about the shooting of Abraham Lincoln…”

Q: Was this your first project to work on a children’s book? If so, what is the takeaway for you? Did you learn something?

When I was a child, I drew a picture book called “Pikachu Goes to the Moon” haha! I wrote and drew a children’s historical fiction book when I was in junior high/middle school as an assignment for history class. It was about the shooting of Abraham Lincoln from the perspective of an orphan who overhears the shooter’s plans and tries to stop the shooting. Ever since my family has been telling me I should do more children’s books in the historical fiction genre. Once I’m done with the work I’m currently doing, I might look into it. Who knows?

Q: What is next for you? Any projects you can/wish to mention?

I have a long form comic called Final Break and I’m doing short comics on the side when I’m not doing commissions.

Q: Where/how can people find you?

Find me on social media:
Instagram / Twitter
Here’s a hub for all my links to my works, as well as my portfolio:
Portfolio
Feel free to feed my cat and help with cataract surgery:
Patreon (monthly subscription)
Ko-Fi (tip jar)

The Dragon Princess in what might become the “Valerius and Evander” series is published by Beaten Track Publishing and releases this week on Thursday. It is available as an ebook and on paperback from all your regular sources, including Amazon. Check it out, and read it with your kids, grandkids, nephews, nieces etc.

Here are the sales links:

Thank you!

Hans

Happy Release Day to me… Returning to the Land of the Morning Calm is out! #Korea #amreading #ASMSG #LGBT

Happy Release Day to me… Returning to the Land of the Morning Calm is out! #Korea #amreading #ASMSG #LGBT

Happy Release Day to me: Opus XV is now available in stores around the world

Happy Release Day! Sing along with me, will you? 🙂 It’s a strange sensation, not just because I think it’s a bit of a dirty word, this whole “release day” thingy. It’s just strange that we make such a big fuzz about something as simple as a new book in a bookstore. Yeah, I know, it’s all about marketing, PR, drumming up excitement, selling and what not. On the other hand, release day also means that I, the author, have to let go, physically release my characters and their adventures into the freedom they deserve.

Returning to the Land of the Morning Calm - Cover

Returning to the Land of the Morning Calm – Cover

Every release day is different

No to release days are alike. I’ve been up two hours, so it’s still early, but I can already feel that it’s going to be different, for more than one reason. First, I’m not as nervous as I used to be. And it’s not just the fact that, by now, I’m used to releasing books. It is, after all, my fifteenth book, my twelfth novel. There’s a different reason. I feel I’m done somehow. Difficult to put my finger on it, but I don’t see another novel in the near future, not from me anyway.

I’m smarter than saying “never”, I won’t, but for now, I think I’m done. I want to do something else. What? We’ll see. A day job, some hard-earned money would be nice. It’s been a while.

Martin’s story is an important one

Let’s not dwell too long on me, I’m irrelevant. Let’s focus on the book. While it’s “happy release day to me”, it’s really all about the story, the characters, and I think Martin’s story deserves telling, it deserves reading. It highlights a generation of gay men that we don’t read much about. They are the ones who fought for the freedoms we enjoy today, they were at the forefront of the LGBT organizations in the sixties and onward, the ones threatened to their lives. Martin may not have been on the barricades, for many reasons. Instead, Martin’s story is the one of why the struggle for equality and inclusion is so important.

Korea

No, writing about Korea wasn’t part of some grand scheme of mine, despite how “in” Korea seems to be right now. It’s one of the longest wards in human history, still ongoing, with a very long cease-fire. And even though we’ve seen some tiny steps (as we have in the past) toward a detente on the peninsula recently (all happening after I had traveled to Korea for research in January), events in recent days show just how fragile progress is, and how easy it is for North Korea to retreat and clam up again. Given the American regime’s split tongue messages, I can’t really blame them. Who would want to end up like Ghaddafi? Deserved or not, Kim isn’t that stupid. Stay tuned to see this unfold in the coming weeks and months. Or not.

The reason why Korea became a topic was simple: given Martin’s age and the fact that he was conscripted into the armed forces, Korea was the logical choice. It was the big conflict the US was involved in at the time. I just hadn’t really done my homework and needed to do a lot more homework than I could’ve bargained for… All good though, it’s a much better story for it.

Feel-good story

My books span across many genres, including erotica and science-fiction. Then I write YA and contemporary, family sagas and dark stories about child abuse. What are the things that bind all those books together? Two things: they are all about gay fiction (which incidentally is not the same thing as M/M romance, I feel the need to point this out, since some people seem to believe that) and they all leave you with feeling good at the end. Here in Sweden, we have a genre called “feelgood” which is odd, an English term in Swedish, but it is what it is. I’ve made it my own because it helps me to accurately describe what my stories are about. Like an elevator pitch.

Returning to the Land of the Morning Calm is a good example of that. I invite you to get to know Martin, Ji-Hoon, Kevin, and Eugene. You can learn more on the book’s own page here, with a trailer, buy links and a short narration of the first chapter.

Happy Release Day to me! Happy reading to you…

 

Happy New Year, may 2018 be the best one yet… #amwriting #ASMSG

Happy New Year, may 2018 be the best one yet… #amwriting #ASMSG

A new year: as dark as the outlook seems, from a political point of view, we have it within us to affect positive change

Happy New Year! We’ve all safely arrived in 2018 and I wish you the very best for this year. May it bring you, your family and loved ones happiness, prosperity and your dreams come true. I know this to be a hollow statement, for the most part, something we say countless times in the days leading up to New Year’s Eve and in the days after, but I actually mean it. I bear very few people ill will, and they most certainly aren’t reading my blog. LOL And I don’t wish anyone physical harm, but a lesson in humility wouldn’t be a bad thing…

New Year's Eve 2017 Funchal

Funchal, as it presented itself just minutes before New Years and the huge fireworks

My husband, my son and I attended a great New Year’s Eve dinner with a stunning viewing of the Funchal fireworks last night, and at some point during the long dinner, we began to talk about our wishes and – cliché – intentions for the new year. I honestly don’t have any, which doesn’t mean that I’m completely happy with my life.

I don’t really believe in “drink less” or “hit the gym more often” type goals. I began to hit the gym in March last year, and it’s done wonders for me, and yes, I’ll keep that up, New Years or no New Years. But if you feel strongly about setting a goal for this year, make sure it’s a good one, and with that I mean – a smart goal – which means Specific, Measurable, Assignable, Realistic, Time-related. No management lesson here, but you can read up if you like.

As for my own goals, they’re less dependent on the fact that it’s a new year per se, rather than my publishing schedule. I try to get two books out per year, and work on Martin is well underway, and I’ll be traveling to Korea soon for my research trip. Enough said about that. After Martin, I’ll try to finish my second short story collection, which is yet untitled. I’ve decided to focus on the letters of the alphabet and first names, writing stories about all kinds of people. I’ve already written a few, e.g. Clara (which was published in the recent Beaten Track anthology Never Too Late) and yeah, Martin, along with Paul and another one. And I’ve had ideas for two more these past days, but plenty of letters left in the alphabet. I’ll be reaching out to readers shortly with a request for names and one (1) additional word to set the creative juices in motion.

While Martin is scheduled for a late spring release, probably May, I hope to have the short story collection out come GRL in October, either before or after the event, but if you intend to travel to Virginia, I am sure you’ll be able to get it there… Enough for today. I need to feed my family and then we’ll head out for some fresh air and a walk, to get the vapors of last night’s freely flowing booze out of our systems. Not that I drank much, but I still woke with a headache.

Be well, and talk soon. As always, if you like my blog, my writing, feel free to subscribe to my monthly newsletter (top right on this page) with competitions and hopefully interesting reading. Interact with me on TwitterFacebookYouTube, and/or Instagram. Have a first great week of the year.

Hans

Merry Christmas from me to you: a short Christmas story #LGBT #ShortStory #amreading

Merry Christmas from me to you: a short Christmas story #LGBT #ShortStory #amreading

Rainbow Advent Calendar

Merry Christmas to you all, whether you celebrate today, on Christmas Eve, or tomorrow morning, Christmas Day. You’ve just opened the last door of this year’s Rainbow Advent Calendar, and I’m happy and very proud to bring you the final story. And what could be more fitting than an homage to the master of all Christmas tales, Charles Dickens, and his “A Christmas Carol”. Our story comes with a twist, of course, and it may just be the first LGBT-themed one out there. Enjoy!

Paul’s Dickensian Christmas – A Short Story

“Who are you?” Paul offered weakly.

The old man who suddenly appeared before him was scary looking, with a big white beard, a severe expression on his face, and the strange, colorful robe he wore. And, as old as he appeared, his eyes were youthful and full of energy—intimidating yet strangely familiar. The man suddenly laughed heartily, as if he’d been asked the silliest question ever. “I’m God. Who else did you expect?”

“Am I dead?” Paul wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“No, Paul, you’re not. You’re dreaming,” God responded, his voice paternal, patient, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

“So…I’m delusional. I’m dreaming about having a conversation with God—which is really quite upsetting, given I don’t even believe in you.” And as if he needed convincing himself, he added, repeating what he’d already said, “I’m an atheist, have been for most of my life.”
God laughed some more before raising his hand in an appeasing gesture. “This is a special dream, Paul. No, you’re not delusional, and quite frankly, I don’t blame you for not believing in me. Heck, given all the BS people say I demand they do, and all the horrors humanity commits in my name, I’m surprised any sane person still believes in me.”

“I don’t understand. If you really are God, why don’t you stop people?”

“Ah, the ten-thousand-dollar question, isn’t it?”

“Sorry, it’s been on my mind ever since I was a child. For all the misdeeds done to me, to others, I’ve questioned how anyone could really allow that—how evil done to any human being could be sanctioned by any deity, not just you. You do not, after all, have the monopoly on being a god to humanity.”

“Actually, that’s not entirely true. You see, I go by many names. You know me as the Christian ‘God,’ but I’m also known as YHWH, Allah, Brahma, Zeus, Oden, and a great many other names. Some worship me as the sun god, I’ve been worshipped as Gaia or Mother Earth through the ages of mankind. But it’s always good old me.”

“You’re Gaia? How’s that possible?” Before Paul’s eyes, God seemed to shape-shift into a dark-skinned, middle-aged woman with a full figure, standing before him in all her glorious nudity.

She laughed. “How’s this for you? Better?”

Paul shook his head in disbelief. “But…how…?”

“My dear child, you’re overthinking this. I am whatever you need me to be, whatever each human being wants me to be. If they feel the need to pray to a fertile woman, I can be Gaia, Mother Earth, Hera, Pallas Athena or Aphrodite, and if they need a man, I’ll be Allah or God or whatever. I’ve even been known to be a gender bender at times.”

“Are you real?” Paul was anything but convinced, doubting his own dream.

“It’s your dream… But seriously, Paul, I didn’t come here to debate theology with you. I am part of you, just as I am part of every other human being that has ever walked the earth, past, present, and future. Which is why I’m limited in what I can do. I am what you are, not more, not less. If humanity works together for the common good, I am omnipotent. I can achieve anything. Alternatively, I am powerless to interfere when you go to war, hurt each other.”

“Then why did you appear to me now?” Paul was seriously worried about God’s presence at this stage in his life—if he was real. At the age of fifty-five, he was what the lifestyle magazines dubbed the “new thirties”—a man in his best years, yet at the same time a man trapped by his upbringing, the wrongdoings of his parents, and the consequences thereof on his life, his lack of capacity for love, his commitment issues. A long list. Now he could add fear of death to the list. Why else would God appear in his dream?

“Am I dying?”

Again, God laughed heartily at the suggestion. “No, silly. Why would you be dying? You’re in good health, although you could finally get that lazy ass of yours out of your apartment and go to the gym. Working out a bit more wouldn’t do you any harm, and those non-existent abs aren’t really going to help you with the boys, not to mention your clogged arteries…”

“You know I’m gay?”

God shook his head. “Do you need this in writing, Paul? I’m inside your head. I am you, or at least part of you. So yeah, I know everything about you—probably things you haven’t even acknowledged yourself, at least not on a conscious level. Interesting though that you picked up on gay but let the clogged arteries go unnoticed. Interesting indeed… Can we get on with it now?”

“Get on with what?”

God rested his head in his palms. This was one tough client. “It’s your dream. You summoned me. Seems to me you have something on your mind…” He flashed Paul a smile and a wink that was more than obvious. Paul was relieved that it was only the two of them in the dream, or it might’ve been awkward. Was God flirting with him?

“Let me see if I’m getting this right. It’s my dream, I’ve summoned you, and you know everything about me—stands to reason you also know what’s on my mind, right? Why don’t you just tell me?”

“Excellent!” God exclaimed. “Now you’re talking. I’m actually here to talk to you about Christmas.”

“Christmas?”

“Twenty questions again? Yes, Christmas. Today is Christmas, remember? You know, the Christian holiday you observe, despite being an atheist? Tree, lights, presents, overeating, carol-singing, commercial overload?”

“I know what Christmas is, but I don’t understand. I like Christmas.”

“You do, yet there’s always a sadness in your eyes, particularly when you look back at a certain Christmas past, and it looms like a dark shadow to this day.”

“So now you’re Dickens?” Paul had an inkling where this might be heading, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Let me remind you, Paul, that you’ve not always been a cynic. Until you were fifteen, you loved Christmas unreservedly—even after you’d found out that Santa Claus wasn’t the real deal. But that year, something happened, something that forever changed your views of Christmas.”

“I was outed by my parents and tossed out on the streets for good measure. That’s what happened. How’s that not going to affect a person’s view of Christmas? I can never celebrate without thinking back to that morning, and the events that took place.”

“Why don’t we have a look?”

Paul’s eyes widened with terror. “Do we have to?”

“Your dream, your Dickens reference. Come on, let’s go…”

Rainbow Advent CalendarGod made a swooping gesture with his arms, and underneath them, the ground slowly dissolved and was gradually replaced by a familiar setting—a weird and ghostly scene from Suburbia, a house with typical seventies furniture, TV blaring in the background, Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, lots of colorful presents underneath it, and a family of four sitting on the couch.

“I believe that’s you, right there? The acne-ridden teenager with the bad hair?”

“What? You’re a style critic, too? Weren’t you supposed to be on my side?”

“I am you, and if I’m not mistaken, you are your biggest critic, are you not?” God sneered condescendingly, just about fed up with Paul’s constant nagging.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let’s get on with the spiel. Do I have to watch this?”

God simply shrugged as the scene in front of them played out, just as it had played out in Paul’s mind hundreds of times since that fateful day back when he was a teen.

“Mom, Dad, is it okay if Jesse comes over later today?” Paul heard himself say from the couch in front of him, and the memory of what was to come cut painfully through him.

“No, son!” his dad replied forcefully. “Your mother and I don’t want you to see that boy again, ever.”

“But he’s my best friend.”

Paul’s mom cut in, “It’s for your own good. Did you not hear the sermon from the pastor last night at midnight mass? How he admonishes us to live without sin? There’s been talk about Jesse in church for some time now—rumors, serious allegations… We think it’s better if you stay as far away from that boy as you can.”

“What rumors, Mom?”

Paul’s dad raised his voice. “Trish, why don’t you go to your room for a minute? Your mother and I need to talk to Paul, alone.”
With an angry stare at her brother for inevitably delaying the presents waiting to be opened under the tree, Trish got up and stormed out of the room. Seconds later, Paul heard her bedroom door slam shut.

Paul tried again. “What rumors, Mom?”

She didn’t answer but stared pleadingly at her husband, who responded in her place. “Rumors, about aberrant behavior, things happening at the latest scout gathering, ugly things, abominable things, sin, mortal sin.” His dad pressed out the final syllables forcefully as if to convey their actual meaning, but Paul was lost.

“I don’t understand…”

“I’m relieved you don’t, son. Jesse is a homosexual, an abomination in the eyes of God, an evil monster sentenced to eternal damnation in the hottest fires of purgatory. I’m surprised his parents are still in town. I would’ve left. How they can face the Andersens every Sunday in church is beyond me.”

“What did he do?” Paul was utterly confused. He liked Jesse—liked him a lot actually, a feeling he thought was mutual. They’d even kissed and made out a couple of times, but what did Alex Andersen have to do with any of this.

It had made no sense to young Paul, and the pain from remembering the next few minutes in the Baker household was almost physical, particularly as he was seeing it now, staged by his very own “Ghost of Christmas Past,” for his personal viewing pleasure, or torture, as it were.

“He corrupted the boy. Did unspeakable things to him—things two men, two boys, should never even think about, let alone act upon. They were caught by their scoutmaster in a most compromising position, one I shall not dignify with mentioning out loud. Safe to say, you shall never see this abomination again. I will not have any homosexuals in this house. Ever. And that is final!”

“But I like him, he’s my best friend,” Paul offered defiantly.

“Nonsense. How would you even know what a best friend is?”

“We kissed…” Paul blurted out, blushing. He’d never thought about telling his parents about his feelings toward Jesse. It had seemed unnecessary somehow, an instinctive security barrier, keeping him from mentioning it. But asked about it, he wouldn’t, couldn’t lie. He’d been taught better. Lying was a sin. Sure, he’d been called names in school—faggot, gay, and so on—but he’d never connected the dots. Even the pastor’s sermons had never really made any sense to him, with regards to him. When the pastor had spoken of the sin of homosexuality, it had always seemed so theoretical, as if he’d spoken of much older men, and carnal things—things a fifteen-year-old did not understand, could not fathom. His feelings for Jesse were pure as snow, and the kisses they’d exchanged were pristine, innocent.

Not once had Paul understood the implication of his words, his emotions, not until he saw the horror on his mother’s face, the utter disgust on his father’s face. Not until they had coerced every last bit of information from him, not until his father had literally beaten it out of him, not until they’d forced him upstairs to get dressed, not until they’d thrown him out of the house, unceremoniously, wearing nothing but the clothes he’d just put on and with the few dollars he’d had in his wallet. Tossed out onto the street, in the middle of winter, in a small town in Northeast Indiana. Alone. On Christmas morning.

Paul watched the scene unfold before him, saw his young self being driven from his own home, his mother crying, his father yelling hysterically. He had never seen them again. Somehow, he’d survived that day, found shelter at another church in town—one more welcoming to Christopher’s Kind than his parents’ congregation. A kind soul had helped him move to Chicago, where he’d been placed in a home with other children his age, so he could finish school and get whatever education he could without money or parental support.

Paul had done well for himself. That he knew. He’d done better than to survive. He’d built himself a home, started a company in the suburbs of Chicago: express plumbing, services always needed, help always rendered. Paul’s company flourished, and he was in high demand. He had done well…except for his heart. He was lonely. He’d never trusted anyone again, unable to bring himself to place someone else in danger, or risk getting hurt himself.

“Have you seen enough?”

“Why did you show me this?”

“Because you always come here on Christmas. But I have a hunch that after today, you won’t have to, not anymore. Come on, we have two more places to visit.”

Paul wasn’t sure he wanted to. “More Dickens?”

“Yes, sir. Let’s go. Your parents await…”

“My parents?”

“Why, yes! You get to see them how they are today…”

Paul hadn’t even known if they were still alive.

Underneath him, the world dissolved into a swirl of sand, and for a second, he seemed to float in absolute darkness before a new swirl of the grayish sand appeared and began to form an entirely different scenery than that of his childhood home. This room was dimly lit with yellow-brownish floor tiles, a hospital bed, sparse furnishings, yellowed curtains. Paul didn’t recognize the place, but it did remind him of a retirement or—more likely—a nursing home. A figure lay in the bed. Next to the bed, with their back toward Paul, sat another figure: slim, small, dressed in dark clothes. Crying.

“Come on.” God gestured, gently pushing Paul forward, toward the bed. “They can’t see you. This is still a dream, remember?”

“Who are they?” Paul whispered, still not quite believing that the two figures, the man in the bed and the woman by his side, couldn’t hear him.

“Don’t you recognize them?” God had an amused tone in his voice.

It dawned on Paul. “Mom? Dad?”

Rainbow Advent Calendar

God nodded, nudging Paul to move even closer.

“What’s happening? Dad is barely breathing.”

“Your father will be dead before the night is over. Your mother is here to take her leave.”

“Where’s my sister?”

“No longer alive, I’m afraid. After you were forced from the house, your sister rebelled, against everyone and everything. She began to hang out with the wrong crowd, one thing led to the next…she died of a heroin overdose before she’d turned sixteen. Your parents lost both of their children to their god, their faith, and their own sense of moral superiority. They’ve been paying the price for over forty years. It’s too late for your father, but your mother can still be saved…” There was a knowing undertone to God’s voice.

“She looks so old, so small, so very fragile.”

“She’s suffered a lot. As you might remember from your previous experience, your mom wasn’t quite as orthodox as your dad. I doubt she would’ve tossed you on the streets had it been up to her. But she was brought up never to question her husband, and so she didn’t. Instead, she suffered silently, not only at the loss of you but that of her daughter as well. It broke her heart, but like I said, it’s not too late…”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that your mother is still alive. You still have a chance to reconcile with her. Remember, you only have this one life. Make the most of it. Carpe diem and all that… Go see her, talk to her, make a fresh start.”

Paul was about to ask God about what he meant with this “one life” and all the lessons about an eternity at his side, but thought better of it. His mother looked up from the bed and stared right at him. She had cried a lot, her face pale and sunken. She must’ve been through a lot of pain in the years he hadn’t seen her. Her big brown eyes were barely recognizable, sad, murky, but she was still his mom.

“Are you sure she can’t see me? She’s staring right at me…”

“It’s your dream. Anything is possible… But no, she can’t, although she often thinks about you. She still lives in your hometown in Indiana, in the same house. It’s less than a four-hour drive to see her. What do you think?”

“I’m not sure. Do you really think she’ll want to see me?”

God smiled and beckoned. “I have one more place to show you…”

Once again the ground shifted beneath Paul, making way to the void as the yellow-brownish tiles, the walls, the furniture and everything else dissolved into that gray sand again, swirling and falling into the black abyss underneath Paul’s feet before re-coalescing into a completely different scene: a house, one he didn’t recognize. It was winter; there was a lot of snow on the ground, and a big Christmas tree was lit outside the house, along with other Holiday lights and decorations.

Rainbow Advent CalendarStanding on the sidewalk, Paul spotted a big, colorfully decorated Christmas tree through the front windows. “Whose house is this?”
God chuckled. “You still don’t get it, do you? We’ve been to your Christmas Past, your Christmas Present… What do you think this is?”
Paul shrugged. “Well, if this were Dickens, this would be my Christmas Future, but that would entail a graveyard and a lonely tombstone with my name on it. But this isn’t it, is it?”

God sighed. “You’re a tough cookie, a true skeptic. I figured the scary approach wouldn’t work with you, so let’s just call this…the promise of a Christmas Future…”

Paul looked up at the house. He noticed a character inside the house: a man his own age he didn’t know, and a dog running around the man’s feet.

“It’s a golden retriever. I love that breed. I’ve always wanted one. But living alone, working as much as I do, I just never felt it justified to get one. Who’s the guy?”

“You already know him…and you’ll meet him again…soon,” God said knowingly.

Just as Paul was about to respond, a car pulled up in the driveway. A man in his mid-fifties and an older woman exited the car. Paul became excited. “That’s Mom. What’s she doing here?”

God laughed. “Celebrating Christmas with her son and her future son-in-law, of course…”

Paul stared at the man who’d driven the car. “I’ve lost weight. I look older.”

“Always the critic. But yes, you’ll begin to work out and spend some time at the gym. Your dad’s heart disease and your mom telling you about it will be the final straw to break the camel’s back, to overcome your resistance—getting you to see your own GP, getting some straight talk about your own health—finally looking after yourself. Meeting Jesse again will also help.”

“Jesse?”

“Yes, Jesse, the one and only. Just like you, he had a horrible youth and ended up in the system, but in Indianapolis. Unlike you, he wasn’t quite so lucky. He did drugs, served time, and never really got a second chance. Mostly working stray day jobs, he never caught a break in life until he ended up in your hometown again, by chance.

“He met your mom at the nursing home where your dad was living out the last few weeks of his life. Jesse was working as a janitor, and he and your mom began to—or rather, will begin to—talk. One of life’s coincidences, really—that your mother is the one to bring Jesse back into your life. The rest, as they say, is history, or it will be, come next Christmas…”

Rainbow Advent CalendarPaul’s heart was racing, yet he remained skeptical. “Why are you showing me this? I thought I was supposed to do something different in order to change the outcome of Christmas Future? This makes no sense…”

“Paul, you really are one stubborn mule.” God tousled Paul’s hair. “You still have to do all the work, make all those changes, or you’ll wake up next year to a Christmas just like the one you’ve celebrated these past decades—in your apartment, alone, working Christmas Day rather than spending time with your family. Life, my friend, is not a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s what you make of it. Just remember, I am God, and I am right here, right inside you, part of you. Therefore, in some way, you are God, and your fate, your future, is yours to shape, if you work hard, spice it with a pinch of luck and sprinkle it with some Christmas magic.”

Around Paul, the scenery began to dissolve again, but rather than the sand coalescing into another scene, Paul woke up, and found himself where he’d fallen asleep a few hours earlier—in his own bed, in his own bedroom, in his apartment.

Paul turned on the lamp on his nightstand before getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. God was no longer there… if he’d ever been. Yet when Paul returned and saw his phone lying on the nightstand, he was immediately reminded of God’s advice, to call his mother. He picked up the phone and walked out to the kitchen to make coffee. He needed to think clearly. He wasn’t sure if his parents still had a landline, but chances were they did, and given that so little had changed, chances were they still had the same number they had when he was a boy.

Paul didn’t need to think about that number. There had been countless times throughout his life that he’d considered calling, mulling the pros and cons, but ultimately, he never did. Better to be safe than sorry.

He grabbed a cup from the cupboard and poured himself a fresh cup as the coffee maker had stopped spilling the last drops into the pot, and was now mostly sputtering air. He sat down at his kitchen table, picked up his phone and dialed the number to his parents’ landline from memory. After a couple of signals, someone picked up on the other end.

“Hello, who’s this?”

“Mom?”

THE END.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND REMEMBER, CARPE DIEM!

The Rainbow Advent Calendar

I hope you enjoyed this short story. May it remind you of the true spirit of Christmas, that of love for your next. To read the other stories in this beautiful calendar, look here:

Rainbow Advent Calendar 2017

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If you like my writing, feel free to subscribe to my monthly newsletter (top right on this page) with competitions and hopefully interesting reading. Interact with me on TwitterFacebookYouTube, and/or Instagram. This is my last post of the year. My family and I are already on Madeira celebrating a well-deserved (?) vacation. From all of us to all of you, a very merry Christmas and a Happy, Successful & Peaceful New Year. May 2018 bring about positive change to our world. It is, after all, the only one we have…

Love,

Hans

Our #Christmas tradition: leave everything behind and #travel #ASMSG

Our #Christmas tradition: leave everything behind and #travel #ASMSG

Our Christmas tradition: for thirty-four years now, the Hirschi family has (mostly) foregone Christmas presents

…and much of the stress associated with the Holidays, I might add. Christmas is one of the most traditional holidays we have in the western world. It’s a time when families gather, presents are exchanged, food is eaten in copious amounts and stress is permeating every aspect of it. You read Facebook posts of stressed mothers who don’t bake (enough), people who are stressed because they don’t have a family to celebrate with and people who are stressed because they can’t seem to find the right gift. In 1983, my parents introduce da new Christmas tradition in our family: travel.

Christmas tradition moved to St. Malo

Christmas tradition premiere: we traveled back to where I had spent the summer and visited my amazing host family in St. Malo, Brittany. From left: my mother, me, my host mom (from behind) and my host dad.

It is a trip I’ll never forget. My brother (thirteen then) and I had spent the summer of 83 in France, studying French. He had been in Sète, in the South of France, while I had ended up in St. Malo, in Brittany (a stunningly beautiful place btw!)

That year, my parents suggested we leave the Engadine, St. Moritz and the glitz and glam of the world’s oldest winter sports resort town to do something else: a few days in Paris followed by a few days in St. Malo. I don’t recall why that suggestion came. Was it some sort of envy of our summer trip and the memories? Was it a health issue? My dad had been forced to take an emergency vacation in the fall of 82 to avoid an imminent heart attack (or so his doctors claimed.)

So it began…

Christmas Tradition renewed: Sète, 1984

We loved it so much that we did it again, in Sète, the next year. Me with my parents back in 1984.

In any case, we agreed that we – henceforth – would forego Christmas presents and that we’d spend that money on a trip instead. Neither my brother nor I argued the point. It was far too exciting to go places, and both he and I had loved every trip we’d taken abroad, usually in May, for spring break. We never looked back.

After St. Malo in 1983, we ended up in Sète in 1984, (I was in the U.S. in 1985/6), London in 1987 (where we watched the musical Chess), and after a while, we added sunshine and warmth to our trips. My parents live in a place that while sunny, it also sees snow every month of the year, and winters are painfully long (October to April.) At some point, we began to travel to Thailand and we’ve spent the past few years traveling to the Florida Keys (2013), the Caribbean (2014), Bali (2015), and the Caribbean (2016) again.

No tradition without exceptions…

Christmas Tradition

Sometimes, traditions need to be broken to stay alive. In 2012, mom was too ravaged from her dementia to travel, and instead, we visited her. It was to be her final Christmas, celebrated the way we used to when I was a kid. If you’re interested in how we celebrated when I was a child? Read my Christmas Tale, a short story depicting this Swiss-style celebration.

This year, we split up, for the first time since my mom passed away. There have always been years where one or several parts of the family spent their vacations separately, and there have been years where we stayed home, for various reasons, partially because both my brother and I are married and we have partners and their respective families to consider as well. And there have been exceptions to the rule, as e.g. 2012, when my mother celebrated her final Christmas (which we obviously didn’t realize), but she was far gone in her dementia to travel. We’d still been to Thailand the year before, in 2011.

My brother and his husband decided early one to celebrate one year with his in-laws and one year with us. My husband’s family was never much to celebrate with (loooong story), so we never really had that conundrum. This year is “our” year and my dad is flying to Mexico to be with them, as my brother and his husband recently moved back to Mexico.

Alex and I decided not to join them. Instead, we’ve booked a small cottage on the island of Madeira for a quiet couple of weeks on that green paradise. Just the three of us. We haven’t had that in quite a while. The birth of our son also meant that we had to re-adjust our traditions a bit. Rather than completely foregoing Christmas, we don’t want Sascha to miss out, and so we celebrate with him, shlepping Christmas presents to the farthest corners of the world, and back…

Christmas Tradition

Next year, Christmas 2018, we’ll fly to Cape Town for the Holidays… I can’t wait to visit Willem’s hometown.

Our son’s birth meant changes were necessary…

And we’ve kinda, sorta, given up on our no gifts Christmas tradition, at least a little bit. Every now and then, a small gift for Alex may find its way under the tree, and vice versa. It’s not so much an expectation, but rather a pleasant surprise. And it makes sense, particularly as Sascha is curious about what we’re up to, what Santa does etc.

We still travel though, and our son is an avid traveler, and believe it or not, we already know where we’re heading to next year: Cape Town. Personally, I can’t wait, because that city has been on my bucket list ever since I wrote Willem of the Tafel a couple of years ago.

How do you celebrate the Holidays?

Does your family (do you) have any special Christmas tradition? Something out of the ordinary? Let’s share! I can highly recommend traveling. It’s very soothing and you really do escape all the stress of cooking, Christmas shopping and what not. LOL

If you like my reviews, my writing, feel free to subscribe to my monthly newsletter (top right on this page) with competitions and hopefully interesting reading. The next issue is due next week. Interact with me on TwitterFacebookYouTube, and/or Instagram. Have a great weekend and enjoy the fourth Advent week.

Hans

PS: Are you following the Rainbow Advent Calendar? If not, the stories are still up there for you to read, and new ones are published every day… My story will be published on Christmas Eve… 😉