Happy New Year, may 2018 be the best one yet… #amwriting #ASMSG

Happy New Year, may 2018 be the best one yet… #amwriting #ASMSG

A new year: as dark as the outlook seems, from a political point of view, we have it within us to affect positive change

Happy New Year! We’ve all safely arrived in 2018 and I wish you the very best for this year. May it bring you, your family and loved ones happiness, prosperity and your dreams come true. I know this to be a hollow statement, for the most part, something we say countless times in the days leading up to New Year’s Eve and in the days after, but I actually mean it. I bear very few people ill will, and they most certainly aren’t reading my blog. LOL And I don’t wish anyone physical harm, but a lesson in humility wouldn’t be a bad thing…

New Year's Eve 2017 Funchal

Funchal, as it presented itself just minutes before New Years and the huge fireworks

My husband, my son and I attended a great New Year’s Eve dinner with a stunning viewing of the Funchal fireworks last night, and at some point during the long dinner, we began to talk about our wishes and – cliché – intentions for the new year. I honestly don’t have any, which doesn’t mean that I’m completely happy with my life.

I don’t really believe in “drink less” or “hit the gym more often” type goals. I began to hit the gym in March last year, and it’s done wonders for me, and yes, I’ll keep that up, New Years or no New Years. But if you feel strongly about setting a goal for this year, make sure it’s a good one, and with that I mean – a smart goal – which means Specific, Measurable, Assignable, Realistic, Time-related. No management lesson here, but you can read up if you like.

As for my own goals, they’re less dependent on the fact that it’s a new year per se, rather than my publishing schedule. I try to get two books out per year, and work on Martin is well underway, and I’ll be traveling to Korea soon for my research trip. Enough said about that. After Martin, I’ll try to finish my second short story collection, which is yet untitled. I’ve decided to focus on the letters of the alphabet and first names, writing stories about all kinds of people. I’ve already written a few, e.g. Clara (which was published in the recent Beaten Track anthology Never Too Late) and yeah, Martin, along with Paul and another one. And I’ve had ideas for two more these past days, but plenty of letters left in the alphabet. I’ll be reaching out to readers shortly with a request for names and one (1) additional word to set the creative juices in motion.

While Martin is scheduled for a late spring release, probably May, I hope to have the short story collection out come GRL in October, either before or after the event, but if you intend to travel to Virginia, I am sure you’ll be able to get it there… Enough for today. I need to feed my family and then we’ll head out for some fresh air and a walk, to get the vapors of last night’s freely flowing booze out of our systems. Not that I drank much, but I still woke with a headache.

Be well, and talk soon. As always, if you like my blog, my writing, feel free to subscribe to my monthly newsletter (top right on this page) with competitions and hopefully interesting reading. Interact with me on TwitterFacebookYouTube, and/or Instagram. Have a first great week of the year.


Merry Christmas from me to you: a short Christmas story #LGBT #ShortStory #amreading

Merry Christmas from me to you: a short Christmas story #LGBT #ShortStory #amreading

Rainbow Advent Calendar

Merry Christmas to you all, whether you celebrate today, on Christmas Eve, or tomorrow morning, Christmas Day. You’ve just opened the last door of this year’s Rainbow Advent Calendar, and I’m happy and very proud to bring you the final story. And what could be more fitting than an homage to the master of all Christmas tales, Charles Dickens, and his “A Christmas Carol”. Our story comes with a twist, of course, and it may just be the first LGBT-themed one out there. Enjoy!

Paul’s Dickensian Christmas – A Short Story

“Who are you?” Paul offered weakly.

The old man who suddenly appeared before him was scary looking, with a big white beard, a severe expression on his face, and the strange, colorful robe he wore. And, as old as he appeared, his eyes were youthful and full of energy—intimidating yet strangely familiar. The man suddenly laughed heartily, as if he’d been asked the silliest question ever. “I’m God. Who else did you expect?”

“Am I dead?” Paul wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“No, Paul, you’re not. You’re dreaming,” God responded, his voice paternal, patient, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

“So…I’m delusional. I’m dreaming about having a conversation with God—which is really quite upsetting, given I don’t even believe in you.” And as if he needed convincing himself, he added, repeating what he’d already said, “I’m an atheist, have been for most of my life.”
God laughed some more before raising his hand in an appeasing gesture. “This is a special dream, Paul. No, you’re not delusional, and quite frankly, I don’t blame you for not believing in me. Heck, given all the BS people say I demand they do, and all the horrors humanity commits in my name, I’m surprised any sane person still believes in me.”

“I don’t understand. If you really are God, why don’t you stop people?”

“Ah, the ten-thousand-dollar question, isn’t it?”

“Sorry, it’s been on my mind ever since I was a child. For all the misdeeds done to me, to others, I’ve questioned how anyone could really allow that—how evil done to any human being could be sanctioned by any deity, not just you. You do not, after all, have the monopoly on being a god to humanity.”

“Actually, that’s not entirely true. You see, I go by many names. You know me as the Christian ‘God,’ but I’m also known as YHWH, Allah, Brahma, Zeus, Oden, and a great many other names. Some worship me as the sun god, I’ve been worshipped as Gaia or Mother Earth through the ages of mankind. But it’s always good old me.”

“You’re Gaia? How’s that possible?” Before Paul’s eyes, God seemed to shape-shift into a dark-skinned, middle-aged woman with a full figure, standing before him in all her glorious nudity.

She laughed. “How’s this for you? Better?”

Paul shook his head in disbelief. “But…how…?”

“My dear child, you’re overthinking this. I am whatever you need me to be, whatever each human being wants me to be. If they feel the need to pray to a fertile woman, I can be Gaia, Mother Earth, Hera, Pallas Athena or Aphrodite, and if they need a man, I’ll be Allah or God or whatever. I’ve even been known to be a gender bender at times.”

“Are you real?” Paul was anything but convinced, doubting his own dream.

“It’s your dream… But seriously, Paul, I didn’t come here to debate theology with you. I am part of you, just as I am part of every other human being that has ever walked the earth, past, present, and future. Which is why I’m limited in what I can do. I am what you are, not more, not less. If humanity works together for the common good, I am omnipotent. I can achieve anything. Alternatively, I am powerless to interfere when you go to war, hurt each other.”

“Then why did you appear to me now?” Paul was seriously worried about God’s presence at this stage in his life—if he was real. At the age of fifty-five, he was what the lifestyle magazines dubbed the “new thirties”—a man in his best years, yet at the same time a man trapped by his upbringing, the wrongdoings of his parents, and the consequences thereof on his life, his lack of capacity for love, his commitment issues. A long list. Now he could add fear of death to the list. Why else would God appear in his dream?

“Am I dying?”

Again, God laughed heartily at the suggestion. “No, silly. Why would you be dying? You’re in good health, although you could finally get that lazy ass of yours out of your apartment and go to the gym. Working out a bit more wouldn’t do you any harm, and those non-existent abs aren’t really going to help you with the boys, not to mention your clogged arteries…”

“You know I’m gay?”

God shook his head. “Do you need this in writing, Paul? I’m inside your head. I am you, or at least part of you. So yeah, I know everything about you—probably things you haven’t even acknowledged yourself, at least not on a conscious level. Interesting though that you picked up on gay but let the clogged arteries go unnoticed. Interesting indeed… Can we get on with it now?”

“Get on with what?”

God rested his head in his palms. This was one tough client. “It’s your dream. You summoned me. Seems to me you have something on your mind…” He flashed Paul a smile and a wink that was more than obvious. Paul was relieved that it was only the two of them in the dream, or it might’ve been awkward. Was God flirting with him?

“Let me see if I’m getting this right. It’s my dream, I’ve summoned you, and you know everything about me—stands to reason you also know what’s on my mind, right? Why don’t you just tell me?”

“Excellent!” God exclaimed. “Now you’re talking. I’m actually here to talk to you about Christmas.”


“Twenty questions again? Yes, Christmas. Today is Christmas, remember? You know, the Christian holiday you observe, despite being an atheist? Tree, lights, presents, overeating, carol-singing, commercial overload?”

“I know what Christmas is, but I don’t understand. I like Christmas.”

“You do, yet there’s always a sadness in your eyes, particularly when you look back at a certain Christmas past, and it looms like a dark shadow to this day.”

“So now you’re Dickens?” Paul had an inkling where this might be heading, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Let me remind you, Paul, that you’ve not always been a cynic. Until you were fifteen, you loved Christmas unreservedly—even after you’d found out that Santa Claus wasn’t the real deal. But that year, something happened, something that forever changed your views of Christmas.”

“I was outed by my parents and tossed out on the streets for good measure. That’s what happened. How’s that not going to affect a person’s view of Christmas? I can never celebrate without thinking back to that morning, and the events that took place.”

“Why don’t we have a look?”

Paul’s eyes widened with terror. “Do we have to?”

“Your dream, your Dickens reference. Come on, let’s go…”

Rainbow Advent CalendarGod made a swooping gesture with his arms, and underneath them, the ground slowly dissolved and was gradually replaced by a familiar setting—a weird and ghostly scene from Suburbia, a house with typical seventies furniture, TV blaring in the background, Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, lots of colorful presents underneath it, and a family of four sitting on the couch.

“I believe that’s you, right there? The acne-ridden teenager with the bad hair?”

“What? You’re a style critic, too? Weren’t you supposed to be on my side?”

“I am you, and if I’m not mistaken, you are your biggest critic, are you not?” God sneered condescendingly, just about fed up with Paul’s constant nagging.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let’s get on with the spiel. Do I have to watch this?”

God simply shrugged as the scene in front of them played out, just as it had played out in Paul’s mind hundreds of times since that fateful day back when he was a teen.

“Mom, Dad, is it okay if Jesse comes over later today?” Paul heard himself say from the couch in front of him, and the memory of what was to come cut painfully through him.

“No, son!” his dad replied forcefully. “Your mother and I don’t want you to see that boy again, ever.”

“But he’s my best friend.”

Paul’s mom cut in, “It’s for your own good. Did you not hear the sermon from the pastor last night at midnight mass? How he admonishes us to live without sin? There’s been talk about Jesse in church for some time now—rumors, serious allegations… We think it’s better if you stay as far away from that boy as you can.”

“What rumors, Mom?”

Paul’s dad raised his voice. “Trish, why don’t you go to your room for a minute? Your mother and I need to talk to Paul, alone.”
With an angry stare at her brother for inevitably delaying the presents waiting to be opened under the tree, Trish got up and stormed out of the room. Seconds later, Paul heard her bedroom door slam shut.

Paul tried again. “What rumors, Mom?”

She didn’t answer but stared pleadingly at her husband, who responded in her place. “Rumors, about aberrant behavior, things happening at the latest scout gathering, ugly things, abominable things, sin, mortal sin.” His dad pressed out the final syllables forcefully as if to convey their actual meaning, but Paul was lost.

“I don’t understand…”

“I’m relieved you don’t, son. Jesse is a homosexual, an abomination in the eyes of God, an evil monster sentenced to eternal damnation in the hottest fires of purgatory. I’m surprised his parents are still in town. I would’ve left. How they can face the Andersens every Sunday in church is beyond me.”

“What did he do?” Paul was utterly confused. He liked Jesse—liked him a lot actually, a feeling he thought was mutual. They’d even kissed and made out a couple of times, but what did Alex Andersen have to do with any of this.

It had made no sense to young Paul, and the pain from remembering the next few minutes in the Baker household was almost physical, particularly as he was seeing it now, staged by his very own “Ghost of Christmas Past,” for his personal viewing pleasure, or torture, as it were.

“He corrupted the boy. Did unspeakable things to him—things two men, two boys, should never even think about, let alone act upon. They were caught by their scoutmaster in a most compromising position, one I shall not dignify with mentioning out loud. Safe to say, you shall never see this abomination again. I will not have any homosexuals in this house. Ever. And that is final!”

“But I like him, he’s my best friend,” Paul offered defiantly.

“Nonsense. How would you even know what a best friend is?”

“We kissed…” Paul blurted out, blushing. He’d never thought about telling his parents about his feelings toward Jesse. It had seemed unnecessary somehow, an instinctive security barrier, keeping him from mentioning it. But asked about it, he wouldn’t, couldn’t lie. He’d been taught better. Lying was a sin. Sure, he’d been called names in school—faggot, gay, and so on—but he’d never connected the dots. Even the pastor’s sermons had never really made any sense to him, with regards to him. When the pastor had spoken of the sin of homosexuality, it had always seemed so theoretical, as if he’d spoken of much older men, and carnal things—things a fifteen-year-old did not understand, could not fathom. His feelings for Jesse were pure as snow, and the kisses they’d exchanged were pristine, innocent.

Not once had Paul understood the implication of his words, his emotions, not until he saw the horror on his mother’s face, the utter disgust on his father’s face. Not until they had coerced every last bit of information from him, not until his father had literally beaten it out of him, not until they’d forced him upstairs to get dressed, not until they’d thrown him out of the house, unceremoniously, wearing nothing but the clothes he’d just put on and with the few dollars he’d had in his wallet. Tossed out onto the street, in the middle of winter, in a small town in Northeast Indiana. Alone. On Christmas morning.

Paul watched the scene unfold before him, saw his young self being driven from his own home, his mother crying, his father yelling hysterically. He had never seen them again. Somehow, he’d survived that day, found shelter at another church in town—one more welcoming to Christopher’s Kind than his parents’ congregation. A kind soul had helped him move to Chicago, where he’d been placed in a home with other children his age, so he could finish school and get whatever education he could without money or parental support.

Paul had done well for himself. That he knew. He’d done better than to survive. He’d built himself a home, started a company in the suburbs of Chicago: express plumbing, services always needed, help always rendered. Paul’s company flourished, and he was in high demand. He had done well…except for his heart. He was lonely. He’d never trusted anyone again, unable to bring himself to place someone else in danger, or risk getting hurt himself.

“Have you seen enough?”

“Why did you show me this?”

“Because you always come here on Christmas. But I have a hunch that after today, you won’t have to, not anymore. Come on, we have two more places to visit.”

Paul wasn’t sure he wanted to. “More Dickens?”

“Yes, sir. Let’s go. Your parents await…”

“My parents?”

“Why, yes! You get to see them how they are today…”

Paul hadn’t even known if they were still alive.

Underneath him, the world dissolved into a swirl of sand, and for a second, he seemed to float in absolute darkness before a new swirl of the grayish sand appeared and began to form an entirely different scenery than that of his childhood home. This room was dimly lit with yellow-brownish floor tiles, a hospital bed, sparse furnishings, yellowed curtains. Paul didn’t recognize the place, but it did remind him of a retirement or—more likely—a nursing home. A figure lay in the bed. Next to the bed, with their back toward Paul, sat another figure: slim, small, dressed in dark clothes. Crying.

“Come on.” God gestured, gently pushing Paul forward, toward the bed. “They can’t see you. This is still a dream, remember?”

“Who are they?” Paul whispered, still not quite believing that the two figures, the man in the bed and the woman by his side, couldn’t hear him.

“Don’t you recognize them?” God had an amused tone in his voice.

It dawned on Paul. “Mom? Dad?”

Rainbow Advent Calendar

God nodded, nudging Paul to move even closer.

“What’s happening? Dad is barely breathing.”

“Your father will be dead before the night is over. Your mother is here to take her leave.”

“Where’s my sister?”

“No longer alive, I’m afraid. After you were forced from the house, your sister rebelled, against everyone and everything. She began to hang out with the wrong crowd, one thing led to the next…she died of a heroin overdose before she’d turned sixteen. Your parents lost both of their children to their god, their faith, and their own sense of moral superiority. They’ve been paying the price for over forty years. It’s too late for your father, but your mother can still be saved…” There was a knowing undertone to God’s voice.

“She looks so old, so small, so very fragile.”

“She’s suffered a lot. As you might remember from your previous experience, your mom wasn’t quite as orthodox as your dad. I doubt she would’ve tossed you on the streets had it been up to her. But she was brought up never to question her husband, and so she didn’t. Instead, she suffered silently, not only at the loss of you but that of her daughter as well. It broke her heart, but like I said, it’s not too late…”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that your mother is still alive. You still have a chance to reconcile with her. Remember, you only have this one life. Make the most of it. Carpe diem and all that… Go see her, talk to her, make a fresh start.”

Paul was about to ask God about what he meant with this “one life” and all the lessons about an eternity at his side, but thought better of it. His mother looked up from the bed and stared right at him. She had cried a lot, her face pale and sunken. She must’ve been through a lot of pain in the years he hadn’t seen her. Her big brown eyes were barely recognizable, sad, murky, but she was still his mom.

“Are you sure she can’t see me? She’s staring right at me…”

“It’s your dream. Anything is possible… But no, she can’t, although she often thinks about you. She still lives in your hometown in Indiana, in the same house. It’s less than a four-hour drive to see her. What do you think?”

“I’m not sure. Do you really think she’ll want to see me?”

God smiled and beckoned. “I have one more place to show you…”

Once again the ground shifted beneath Paul, making way to the void as the yellow-brownish tiles, the walls, the furniture and everything else dissolved into that gray sand again, swirling and falling into the black abyss underneath Paul’s feet before re-coalescing into a completely different scene: a house, one he didn’t recognize. It was winter; there was a lot of snow on the ground, and a big Christmas tree was lit outside the house, along with other Holiday lights and decorations.

Rainbow Advent CalendarStanding on the sidewalk, Paul spotted a big, colorfully decorated Christmas tree through the front windows. “Whose house is this?”
God chuckled. “You still don’t get it, do you? We’ve been to your Christmas Past, your Christmas Present… What do you think this is?”
Paul shrugged. “Well, if this were Dickens, this would be my Christmas Future, but that would entail a graveyard and a lonely tombstone with my name on it. But this isn’t it, is it?”

God sighed. “You’re a tough cookie, a true skeptic. I figured the scary approach wouldn’t work with you, so let’s just call this…the promise of a Christmas Future…”

Paul looked up at the house. He noticed a character inside the house: a man his own age he didn’t know, and a dog running around the man’s feet.

“It’s a golden retriever. I love that breed. I’ve always wanted one. But living alone, working as much as I do, I just never felt it justified to get one. Who’s the guy?”

“You already know him…and you’ll meet him again…soon,” God said knowingly.

Just as Paul was about to respond, a car pulled up in the driveway. A man in his mid-fifties and an older woman exited the car. Paul became excited. “That’s Mom. What’s she doing here?”

God laughed. “Celebrating Christmas with her son and her future son-in-law, of course…”

Paul stared at the man who’d driven the car. “I’ve lost weight. I look older.”

“Always the critic. But yes, you’ll begin to work out and spend some time at the gym. Your dad’s heart disease and your mom telling you about it will be the final straw to break the camel’s back, to overcome your resistance—getting you to see your own GP, getting some straight talk about your own health—finally looking after yourself. Meeting Jesse again will also help.”


“Yes, Jesse, the one and only. Just like you, he had a horrible youth and ended up in the system, but in Indianapolis. Unlike you, he wasn’t quite so lucky. He did drugs, served time, and never really got a second chance. Mostly working stray day jobs, he never caught a break in life until he ended up in your hometown again, by chance.

“He met your mom at the nursing home where your dad was living out the last few weeks of his life. Jesse was working as a janitor, and he and your mom began to—or rather, will begin to—talk. One of life’s coincidences, really—that your mother is the one to bring Jesse back into your life. The rest, as they say, is history, or it will be, come next Christmas…”

Rainbow Advent CalendarPaul’s heart was racing, yet he remained skeptical. “Why are you showing me this? I thought I was supposed to do something different in order to change the outcome of Christmas Future? This makes no sense…”

“Paul, you really are one stubborn mule.” God tousled Paul’s hair. “You still have to do all the work, make all those changes, or you’ll wake up next year to a Christmas just like the one you’ve celebrated these past decades—in your apartment, alone, working Christmas Day rather than spending time with your family. Life, my friend, is not a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s what you make of it. Just remember, I am God, and I am right here, right inside you, part of you. Therefore, in some way, you are God, and your fate, your future, is yours to shape, if you work hard, spice it with a pinch of luck and sprinkle it with some Christmas magic.”

Around Paul, the scenery began to dissolve again, but rather than the sand coalescing into another scene, Paul woke up, and found himself where he’d fallen asleep a few hours earlier—in his own bed, in his own bedroom, in his apartment.

Paul turned on the lamp on his nightstand before getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. God was no longer there… if he’d ever been. Yet when Paul returned and saw his phone lying on the nightstand, he was immediately reminded of God’s advice, to call his mother. He picked up the phone and walked out to the kitchen to make coffee. He needed to think clearly. He wasn’t sure if his parents still had a landline, but chances were they did, and given that so little had changed, chances were they still had the same number they had when he was a boy.

Paul didn’t need to think about that number. There had been countless times throughout his life that he’d considered calling, mulling the pros and cons, but ultimately, he never did. Better to be safe than sorry.

He grabbed a cup from the cupboard and poured himself a fresh cup as the coffee maker had stopped spilling the last drops into the pot, and was now mostly sputtering air. He sat down at his kitchen table, picked up his phone and dialed the number to his parents’ landline from memory. After a couple of signals, someone picked up on the other end.

“Hello, who’s this?”



The Rainbow Advent Calendar

I hope you enjoyed this short story. May it remind you of the true spirit of Christmas, that of love for your next. To read the other stories in this beautiful calendar, look here:

Rainbow Advent Calendar 2017

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If you like my writing, feel free to subscribe to my monthly newsletter (top right on this page) with competitions and hopefully interesting reading. Interact with me on TwitterFacebookYouTube, and/or Instagram. This is my last post of the year. My family and I are already on Madeira celebrating a well-deserved (?) vacation. From all of us to all of you, a very merry Christmas and a Happy, Successful & Peaceful New Year. May 2018 bring about positive change to our world. It is, after all, the only one we have…



Our #Christmas tradition: leave everything behind and #travel #ASMSG

Our #Christmas tradition: leave everything behind and #travel #ASMSG

Our Christmas tradition: for thirty-four years now, the Hirschi family has (mostly) foregone Christmas presents

…and much of the stress associated with the Holidays, I might add. Christmas is one of the most traditional holidays we have in the western world. It’s a time when families gather, presents are exchanged, food is eaten in copious amounts and stress is permeating every aspect of it. You read Facebook posts of stressed mothers who don’t bake (enough), people who are stressed because they don’t have a family to celebrate with and people who are stressed because they can’t seem to find the right gift. In 1983, my parents introduce da new Christmas tradition in our family: travel.

Christmas tradition moved to St. Malo

Christmas tradition premiere: we traveled back to where I had spent the summer and visited my amazing host family in St. Malo, Brittany. From left: my mother, me, my host mom (from behind) and my host dad.

It is a trip I’ll never forget. My brother (thirteen then) and I had spent the summer of 83 in France, studying French. He had been in Sète, in the South of France, while I had ended up in St. Malo, in Brittany (a stunningly beautiful place btw!)

That year, my parents suggested we leave the Engadine, St. Moritz and the glitz and glam of the world’s oldest winter sports resort town to do something else: a few days in Paris followed by a few days in St. Malo. I don’t recall why that suggestion came. Was it some sort of envy of our summer trip and the memories? Was it a health issue? My dad had been forced to take an emergency vacation in the fall of 82 to avoid an imminent heart attack (or so his doctors claimed.)

So it began…

Christmas Tradition renewed: Sète, 1984

We loved it so much that we did it again, in Sète, the next year. Me with my parents back in 1984.

In any case, we agreed that we – henceforth – would forego Christmas presents and that we’d spend that money on a trip instead. Neither my brother nor I argued the point. It was far too exciting to go places, and both he and I had loved every trip we’d taken abroad, usually in May, for spring break. We never looked back.

After St. Malo in 1983, we ended up in Sète in 1984, (I was in the U.S. in 1985/6), London in 1987 (where we watched the musical Chess), and after a while, we added sunshine and warmth to our trips. My parents live in a place that while sunny, it also sees snow every month of the year, and winters are painfully long (October to April.) At some point, we began to travel to Thailand and we’ve spent the past few years traveling to the Florida Keys (2013), the Caribbean (2014), Bali (2015), and the Caribbean (2016) again.

No tradition without exceptions…

Christmas Tradition

Sometimes, traditions need to be broken to stay alive. In 2012, mom was too ravaged from her dementia to travel, and instead, we visited her. It was to be her final Christmas, celebrated the way we used to when I was a kid. If you’re interested in how we celebrated when I was a child? Read my Christmas Tale, a short story depicting this Swiss-style celebration.

This year, we split up, for the first time since my mom passed away. There have always been years where one or several parts of the family spent their vacations separately, and there have been years where we stayed home, for various reasons, partially because both my brother and I are married and we have partners and their respective families to consider as well. And there have been exceptions to the rule, as e.g. 2012, when my mother celebrated her final Christmas (which we obviously didn’t realize), but she was far gone in her dementia to travel. We’d still been to Thailand the year before, in 2011.

My brother and his husband decided early one to celebrate one year with his in-laws and one year with us. My husband’s family was never much to celebrate with (loooong story), so we never really had that conundrum. This year is “our” year and my dad is flying to Mexico to be with them, as my brother and his husband recently moved back to Mexico.

Alex and I decided not to join them. Instead, we’ve booked a small cottage on the island of Madeira for a quiet couple of weeks on that green paradise. Just the three of us. We haven’t had that in quite a while. The birth of our son also meant that we had to re-adjust our traditions a bit. Rather than completely foregoing Christmas, we don’t want Sascha to miss out, and so we celebrate with him, shlepping Christmas presents to the farthest corners of the world, and back…

Christmas Tradition

Next year, Christmas 2018, we’ll fly to Cape Town for the Holidays… I can’t wait to visit Willem’s hometown.

Our son’s birth meant changes were necessary…

And we’ve kinda, sorta, given up on our no gifts Christmas tradition, at least a little bit. Every now and then, a small gift for Alex may find its way under the tree, and vice versa. It’s not so much an expectation, but rather a pleasant surprise. And it makes sense, particularly as Sascha is curious about what we’re up to, what Santa does etc.

We still travel though, and our son is an avid traveler, and believe it or not, we already know where we’re heading to next year: Cape Town. Personally, I can’t wait, because that city has been on my bucket list ever since I wrote Willem of the Tafel a couple of years ago.

How do you celebrate the Holidays?

Does your family (do you) have any special Christmas tradition? Something out of the ordinary? Let’s share! I can highly recommend traveling. It’s very soothing and you really do escape all the stress of cooking, Christmas shopping and what not. LOL

If you like my reviews, my writing, feel free to subscribe to my monthly newsletter (top right on this page) with competitions and hopefully interesting reading. The next issue is due next week. Interact with me on TwitterFacebookYouTube, and/or Instagram. Have a great weekend and enjoy the fourth Advent week.


PS: Are you following the Rainbow Advent Calendar? If not, the stories are still up there for you to read, and new ones are published every day… My story will be published on Christmas Eve… 😉

It’s release day for “Disease” and guess what? I didn’t forget… Pun intended #alzheimers #amreading #amwriting

It’s release day for “Disease” and guess what? I didn’t forget… Pun intended #alzheimers #amreading #amwriting

It’s release day for Disease, and I can’t wait for you to read this one…

Disease, the cover, a novel by Hans M Hirschi

Disease, my new novel, releases today.

“How do you explain Alzheimer’s to someone who doesn’t have it?

It’s really impossible. One moment, you’re just like everyone else—talking, having fun, being part of a conversation—and then boom! You forget something, a word, a face, a memory, something that belongs right there, in that conversation. You stand there, in that circle of people, and that which you have forgotten becomes the elephant in the room, with everyone staring at you, waiting for you to remember. And you panic, you get stressed, and yeah, at that point, you’ll never remember it anyway.

People laugh at it when they think you’re just like them. Normal. Healthy. Not so much when they know you have it. The disease.

“Don’t worry, Hunter. We all forget stuff. It’s no big deal.” But it is a big deal. It is a very big fucking deal. It’s my memory—my life literally turning to goo inside my head. This thing is going to kill me!

Not that I’d ever say anything. People get antsy around sickness, around disease. So I keep my mouth shut. I drop out of conversations. Slowly. Retreat into the safety of my thoughts. For what it’s worth. For what’s left of them. If Ethan is with me, maybe I’ll take his hand, award him a glance. He knows of my pain. He’s the only one who really understands how I feel. At least, I like to think so.

Have you ever read The Neverending Story by Michael Ende? at is exactly how my mind is. Like Fantastica. Well, sort of. My mind was never really fantastic to begin with… But, just like the novel, Nothing is taking over, and little by little, it breaks down my mind, my Fantastica. Only there is no Bastian to rescue me. No Atreyu going off on adventures on my behalf. No Falcor to fly to my aid. Just the Nothing. Taking over, bit by bit. And you never know what’s next to go.”

Release day, and when Amazon finally opens the floodgates and sends the book to all those who pre-ordered it (thank you btw), I’ll be approaching the runway for a landing at Munich airport. So yeah, this is a pre-recorded post. Sorry. It’s my fifteenth release day since I began writing, and while I’m not feeling particularly nervous this time (I have seen so many gorgeous reviews already that I know the book will be well received), I feel a sense of accomplishment, pride. I hope you’ll forgive an old man’s indulgence. Yes, pride is a good word.

I lose my mom far too soon, yet it was still a relief for us. Why? The book will allow you to understand.

I also feel thankful to Hunter, Ethan, and Amy, for allowing me to tell their story. And I am grateful for the time I got to spend with my mother, herself a victim of the wretched disease that is Alzheimer’s, and in a way a template for Hunter’s mother. Through mom, I got to experience some of the later stage symptoms first hand, the emotional turmoil, the paranoia, and all the other symptoms that are associated with the disease, like losing your appetite, your sense of taste etc. While Hunter’s story is rooted in my own fears of having Alzheimer’s (unfoundedly as it turned out), his struggle helped me play with various scenarios of how we, as human beings, deal with a death sentence. To be handed a best before date is probably one of life’s greatest challenges, and Hunter allowed me to pitch various scenarios, different viewpoints against each other. In a way, Disease isn’t just about Alzheimer’s, but it’s a story about life, living life to the fullest, but also about our own control of our own fate, society, and our friends and families. At least philosophically.

Why read Disease? I’ve been asked this question many times. Whether you’re personally affected by Alzheimer’s (through family or loved ones) or if it’s just a theoretical concept for you at this stage, you can read the story from the above perspective, see how we rise to adversity, how we play the hand that life has dealt us. But Disease is also a love story, romantic even (yeah I know, I’m a sappy romantic even when I kill my main character in the end), showing how two people love each other, stand by each other, no matter what (and I mean this literally). Or you could read the story to understand, to fathom how and why Alzheimer’s Disease is such a wretched thing to happen. I’ve been told by many reviewers just how cathartic a read it is:

“As I medical professional, I have encountered this illness. I have been caregiver to one particular patient and it is heartwrenching and not the best feeling. It makes one exam their own mortality and question: How brave will I be if this were me?”

My gratitude to Hunter, Ethan, and Amy for sharing it with me, allowing me to tell you their story. But now it’s time for me to let them go. They are yours now, and I shed a few tears as I take my leave from them and place them in your care, and I ask you: “how brave are you?”

Hans M Hirschi


Release Day for Last Winter’s Snow, my tenth novel #amwriting #LGBT #Sápmi #equality

Release Day for Last Winter’s Snow, my tenth novel #amwriting #LGBT #Sápmi #equality

Release day is always exhilaratingly frightening, and after fifteen books you’d think I’m used to it, but no…

Release Day for my new novel! I’m so excited.

Release day. Again. It’s been a while now. In September I released my last novel, Jonathan’s Legacy, and in December we released the 2nd edition of Common Sense. And now it’s finally time to present Last Winter’s Snow to you, my new novel. Release day reminds me of the graduation for a book, when the kid, all grown up and ready to meet the world, moves away from home.

Release Day means that I, the author, relinquish all of my control, and let you, my readers, jump into the driver’s seat. That can be scary, frightening even. If you have kids who’ve left the nest, I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. As parents, the author and the publisher have done our utmost to prepare our child to be ready. We’ve taken great care in writing the story, researching it properly and in a lot of detail, more than I’ve ever had to research for a book before. We have edited it, then edited it some more before we proofed the book in several rounds. Natasha Snow has once again created a tasteful cover, very suitable for the story I’m telling.

Early reviews are in and they are very encouraging. You might compare them to your child’s final grades in school. Here are a couple of my favorite quotes:

“Hans Hirschi has written a brilliant book. I’ve learned so much about another country and another culture and another time with this story. I love it when writers combine fact with their fiction. Thank you Hans Hirschi so much for sharing Nilas’s and Casper’s journey with us. I hope that everyone who reads this review will also read this book. It is truly very well written.”

“Just read the scene of Göran’s dinner party after Tom’s phone call, and it’s stunning.”

“For gorgeous scenery, realistic relationships, and a story full of warmth and optimism, this gets 10/10 fountain pens.

“Your best one yet!”

“Mr Hirschi’s books always draw attention to discrimination and oppression, making us question our beliefs and attitudes. This book is dedicated ‘to the oppressed minorities of the world’ and all the books I’ve read by this author could bear the same dedication.”

“I think what made this book great was for me was that it taught me about the Sami people (who I never knew existed) and had me search out more information on this beautiful group of people who’s way of life is threatened each and every day.”

Last Winter’s Snow wasn’t an easy book to write. I began with the first chapter almost a year ago, and when the character Nilas revealed himself to be a Sami, I had a hunch that this might be a book that would require a lot of work. Why? As a foreign born Swede I had no education to teach me about the Sami, and it’s only been very recently that Sweden, as a society, began to talk about them in anything less than negative way.

This is Gávtjávrrie, lake & village, a beautiful part of Sápmi, where Nilas comes from. Photo: Wikipedia / Håkan Svensson

So I had to do a lot of research, see above. The same was true for many of the historical aspects, from details of the spread of HIV (I had to get this right, month by month, as so much happened). Even though I lived through the 80ies myself, I was just a handful of years too young to personally experience the onset of the epidemic. Lucky for me I guess. Given how close I came a couple of times later on in life, I probably would’ve gotten sick, and – unlike a good friend of mine – have died from it, like most of those early cases.

Going back into one’s own youth isn’t without risk. You think you remember things one way, when in fact, they were quite different. We caught one medical “boo boo” quite late in the process. Hence the need for several rounds of proof reading. Our memory is fickle. Yet as difficult as it is, it’s also gratifying, and Last Winter’s Snow proves quite aptly just how much progress we’ve made, as a society, in a relatively short time frame. While the story plays out in Sweden, much of the same can be said about most western societies, in varying degrees.

I’m at a loss, still, despite the blurb on the back of the book, to describe this novel. Yes, it’s the story of Swedish LGBT history from the late seventies to today. Yes, it’s the story of what it means to be Sami in Sweden during the same time period, and the remarkable journey of one gay Sami back to his own people. But it’s also a love story, and maybe, in a few weeks, I’ll be able to share some of my thoughts on that love story, that couple, Casper and Nilas. But not yet.

Today is your day, dear readers. Nilas and Casper are yours, along with the adventures of their life. Happy reading, and once again, welcome to my world… If you’ve already bought this book, thank you for your trust. If you’re thinking about it, take a leap of faith, and I thank you, too!

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Audiobook Release: Family Ties, a novel of roots, the past and the future #Audible #ASMSG #amreading

Audiobook Release: Family Ties, a novel of roots, the past and the future #Audible #ASMSG #amreading

My first ever audiobook release is based on my very first story

The cover for the audiobook of Family Ties, my first. I just got the files from Michael and will review them next week. I look forward to the release of my first audiobook!

When I was thinking about which of my nine released novels would be the best one for an audiobook release, I didn’t think with money in mind. I guess the OCD elements within me just gave me no choice: “go with your first!”

And I did, and besides being my first novel, Family Ties is also my shortest book, which maybe is a good thing with regards to audiobooks. It wasn’t so expensive to produce…

Audiobooks aren’t cheap, unless you are such a famous author that producers will offer you a profit share. I’m not. But I am very proud of this product. I’m sure you’ve heard the age-old controversy between the “book” and the “movie”.

It goes without saying that the book will always lose, at least if the movie was based ON the book. The book will always be much more close to the reader’s views of the novel, whereas a movie, apart from the demands of the medium, is the interpretation of the book by the screen writers and the director. Incomparable.

Michael Bakkensen, the voice of author Hans M Hirschi

Completely different mediums, and to compare the two is like comparing a flight from LA to NYC with a train ride between the two cities. The same is true for the audiobook. I’d say the audiobook is somewhere in between the movie (minus the visuals) and the book (plus the voice, and ONE person’s interpretation of the narrative).

When I chose to work with Michael Bakkensen, himself the father of relatively small kids, I know he’d understand that aspect of the novel, parents’ need to protect their kids, and he’d get the interaction within the family right. I don’t know Michael well enough yet, we will meet in New York for Rainbow Book Fair in April, to know if he has siblings, or his relationship to his parents. Families are complex and as the covers suggests, the roots of a family tree run deep, lots of secrets, lots of hidden aspects, connections here, there and everywhere. The relationships are interpreted differently by the two sons, old secrets suddenly come to light, and ancient wrongdoings are the downfall of one patriarch.

Those and many other ingredients are part of this novel. Family Ties was the first book I ever wrote. By now it’s not big secret that it includes a lot of my own personal “baggage” that I knew I had to deal with. I had a hunch that it might always come back to haunt me if I didn’t face those demons. What those are, and how, is irrelevant really. But needless to say, they are vanquished. On the other hand, my writing is still greatly influenced by experiences from my personal life, even though it shouldn’t influence your enjoyment of the book or the audiobook to know how, what or why.

The Family Ties audiobook is available from Audible, Amazon and iTunes. It’s about five hours long to listen to, and believe me, Michael’s voice is very addictive!

If you’re interested in more background info about the actual production process, listen to my YouTube video I uploaded yesterday.

I really look forward to this weekend off. It’s been a somewhat “harrowing” week for us here at home. Next week is going to be “fun” I hope, as I have another release waiting, this time my tenth novel “Last Winter’s Snow”. Oh, if you’re interested, I’ll be on a radio show this Sunday, at 3 pm EST (9 pm CET) to talk about the new audiobook and novel (and anything else readers want to ask about).

You can listen Sunday via:
The Web Site:http://www.beatentrackradio.com/
Via Facebook : http://www.facebook.com/beatentrackradio
Windows Media Player: http://stream.radiojar.com/k98ef2r2hnwtv.pls
Via iTunes: http://stream.radiojar.com/k98ef2r2hnwtv.m3u
Via mp3 player : http://stream.radiojar.com/k98ef2r2hnwtv
iOS app : https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/id1178446224
Android app : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details
We’re also in the iTunes radio directory and the TuneIn Radio app.

See you Sunday? You can also join the Facebook event group and drop off questions.

If not, have a great weekend. Have you enjoyed this post? Please share it with others. I love to connect with my readers, I really do, so feel free to interact with me on TwitterFacebookYouTube, and/or Instagram.